September 2009

Jawesome Shirt

by on September 15, 2009

jawesome-shirtI’m morally opposed to promoting this travesty of a shirt. Are you kidding me? This cinematic devil fish killed multiple people, put the dark fear in the hearts of an entire township, and portrayed Richard Dreyfuss as an Ahab-like nutter. Plus, this movie adaption of a best selling book,  scared the shit out of a poor five-year-old boy…namely me.

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nuts-squirrel-stick-up-tee-shirtYou may think this is all cute and funny and all that but I truly think squirrels are bandits and should be contained permanently as menaces to society.

In my neighborhood, these horrid beasts eat your plants, destroy your garden, and spray paint your garage. I’ve even seen them hanging from the eves of my house doing their best impression of a god damn demolition crew: tearing into flashing, gutter, siding, insulation and whatever other shit that prevents them from getting into their little squirrel palace (what we used to call the attic) and tossing it into the neighbors side yard. Nothing stops these highway robbers, these bushwhackers, these criminal villain varmints.

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Reunite Pangea T shirt

by on September 11, 2009

reunite-pangea-tshirtThis is a very important and appropriate discussion on 9/11.

When you think about it, there are a ton of causes and opportunities to create change that anybody can apply themselves to. However, if you boil everything down, strip away the false constructs, and, basically, get down to the nitty gritty. The overriding issue of the time is reuniting Pangea.

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brooks-was-here-teeFirst off, RIP James Whitmore. Who died in February of this year. Whitmore played Brooks, who was an institututionalized lifer in Shawshank prison, who couldn’t deal with being released into the world after 50 years in the joint. If you think about it, that would be a pretty scary prospect. Anyway, before he hanged himself in the parlor, Brooks carved “Brooks was here” in the mahogany.

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Mohawk Mo Problems T Shirt

by on September 7, 2009

mohawk-mo-problems-tshirtThis is truth. Keepin’ it real. And not just for the Native American’s that sported this bad ass do way before you. Also, for the punks to co-opted the look in the late 70s and 80s. They to were decimated. It’s like carrying a sacred text or wearing the mark of the beast or having really bad BO. You don’t stand a chance. It’s in the cards, you got that wicked strip, then you gonna have severe grief.

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$8 Mega Sale Busted Tees

by on September 5, 2009

busted-tees-mega-sale
There’s about 9 kajillion shirts for sale at busted tees right now and they’re only $8 a pop. There are some gems in there too, including…

  • Just say no to hard drugs

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BRB-tshirt-jesus-a-comin-backNever quite seen Jesus look like this. Kind of a longish nose and a definite sneer, like it’s all planned out m-f’ers. You got me this time, but I’ll Be Right Back (BRB). Get it. And, hell, it’s gonna be sooner than later the way things are goin’. Don’t believe the green shoots nonsense, the economy has much further to sink…perhaps to a point of sanity and equilibrium.

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cant-touch-this-equation-tee-shirtMC Hammer would be rolling in his grave if he saw this shirt. I mean his shit was pure feeling and rhythm and movement. Not graph paper and equations, horned rimmed glasses and slide rules. Actually, now that I think about it. Parachute pants and diagonally cut sleeves are pretty mathematical and, when I write the word “slide” all I can think of his Hammertime moves. So…Mr. Hammer is probably smiling down upon us.

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Geology Rocks T shirt

by on September 1, 2009

geology-rocks-tshirtA little tip for you high schoolers getting’ prepped for the institute of higher learning. Figure out what you like to study, then go study it. Nothing is cooler than waking up fired up ready to go read a book or study some rocks or how to properly blow a coaches whistle.

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