Torso Pants

Torso Pants is the goofy division of T Shirt Hell. Sometimes the designs are available, sometimes they’re not, depending on the whims of the twisted mind that runs T-shirt Hell. Great shirts though. Some of my favorite.

This is a great shirt. Like Russian dolls stacked inside each other 12 deep. Or looking into a mirror, looking into a mirror, looking into a mirror…to infinity.

With the I Love Transitive Pictograph Verbalizations T Shirt you are passing along that message with a transitive pictograph verbalization. It almost cancels itself out, like a black whole, a great vacuum in space. You have to really be on top of your game to continue to exist while wearing this shirt. You have to be bigger than the physics. The string theory that comes to play as soon as you put it on.

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Pure nonsense for your wearing pleasure. Are you down with absurdity? If so, this shirt with the random words and the blue fire hydrant referred to as an “apple” will be right up your alley.

Read more on This Shirt Doesn’t Make Sense and Neither Does This Apple T Shirt…


I have no idea what this means. You’re looking in a mirror and you’re shirt is reminding you that you are not an ambulance. Why? Now, there’s the popular irritation that EMT’s experience when they’re called ambulance drivers, and they want more credit than that. Apparently, they can stick needles in you just about anywhere.

Read more on I Am Not An Ambulance Backwards T Shirt…


The answer to this riddle is that there is one shirt that gets perpetually stolen from homeless people. How can that be you ask. Unless, homeless steal from homeless, then this is impossible. And, while, I’m not denying that homeless do steal from homeless all the time. I mean it’s hard to lock shit up in a shopping cart, and when you have to take a link under the bridge or in the alley, sometimes it’s not practical to roll the cart in there with you, so then your cart with stuff is exposed. And, maybe you just dumpster dove for an amazing inflatable pillow that only has a small hole that you patched with some duct tape you found around a pipe in the squatters house you crash at twice a week. Well, boom, that’s a prime piece of homeless property and ripe to be stolen by another homeless person lucky enough to walk by as you’re relieving yourself.

Read more on I Stole This Shirt From a Homeless Guy Why He Had a Shirt That Says This I’ll Never Know T Shirt…


This is My Clone T Shirt

by on September 3, 2010

This is kind of funny. Kind of the ultimate don’t have to take responsibility for what happens during the crazy ass alcohol-fueled evenings that young people and old call partying and good times. You know before you even go out what kind of mood you’re in. What kind of trouble you’re capable of getting into. What kind of bender you’re going to tie on.

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Okay, lesson for the day. When two people are in a horse costume that’s called pantomime horse, and apparently it’s really big in the U.K. Because all of the videos on Youtube for the pantomime horse are from over there. Kind of figures. Weirdos.

Read more on Two Horses in a Man Costume T Shirt…


There are quite a few shirts like this that sort of harken back to Animal House and Bluto’s “College” Tee. Just generic messaging that really says, I don’t give a shit about school spirit or the local team or even my school’s sports teams.

Read more on Go Local Sports Team and/or College T Shirt…


Your Text Here T Shirt

by on August 31, 2010

I was scratching my crotch head and trying to figure out what this shirt meant, or why it’s for sale. It’s not really funny, but it is kind of meta. And, by that I mean it’s ironically saying, look I know graphic funny tees are all the rage, and I’ve got one two, except that it’s self-referential and ironic. So, it works on that level.

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This is purely retarded humor. This is the kind of hilarity that make people take notice for a second then shake their head, like I can’t believe that nimrod went through with that lame little comedic pantomime. But, if you’re consistent and you keep bringing the pathetic, it can become a schtick…a thing to hang your hat on. What if you told a knock knock joke like the following every day for a year. How would you be known around the office. Doofus, but fun loving. Not threatening. You’d probably build some deep relationships from the escapade with other fun loving folk. So, I say be yourself, and tell this joke tomorrow if it’s in you.

Read more on It Says I Told You So On My Back T-Shirt…


Hey check it…a little sporty misdirection. You know you like sports and misdirection is huge in sports execution, so this is for you. Actually, you would probably also like to wear this shirt if you hated sports because you’re basically saying baseball, football, whatever…I don’t care.

Read more on Baseball Football T Shirt…


IV:XX T-shirt

by on August 25, 2010

Sometimes you need to add a little class to your doob smokin’ ways. Yeah, 6 out of 7 days you can answer the question: “what time is it?” with a “4:20 dude” that would make Spicoli proud, but sometimes, mix in a little learning, education, and classiness. Get out a white board or chalk board and write out in Roman numerals: IV:XX.

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Solid bit of humor here. If you place highly in the worldwide teacher rankings, then you should probably be using grammar and spelling better. Then again, maybe your specialty is shop, and who cares what kind of writing, English, grammar, spelling skills you have. Right? Just get that lathe running every morning and make sure there’s enough flux to get you through the welding class. Maybe you have had an amazing run of students get good jobs right out of high school. You deserve to be on that list and you deserve the World’s Goodest Teecher T Shirt with much pride.

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