Local Celebrity

Local Celebrity: I’ve always liked the name of this t-shirt outfit. It reminds of corny car dealership commercials for some reason.

Wordplay up in here and I love it. Normally, you’re talking long term goals that have multiple steps like get this entry level job, work there for a few years, see if there are opportunities to move up, if not find something else that has management opps. Then, move into the C-Suite after 7-10 years in management, and make the six-figure income, get the dream house, the sports car, the maid, and the nanny. Send kids private schools. All that stuff. But, with this My Long Term Goal Is To Get Rich Quick T shirt there’s a short cut worked into the timeline. And really life is too short eating shit in middle management. Either get rich quick or die tryin’, which, if your not familiar with rap in the early 2000s is 50 Cent’s album title (paraphrased) and, lo and behold, the name of his feature film, which apparently sucked balls.

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I’m A Keeper T Shirt

by on March 28, 2011

I love the fishing language women use about men. First of all, most women know nothing about fishing, but they’ve probably rolled their eyes enough as they walk through the living room and see their man watching a fishing show on TV, when they should be chipping away at the honey do list. And, the dudes on fishing shows say “that’s a keeper” about every 2.5 minutes, so even though she’s not listening to the stupid show, she is subliminally getting hammered with that phraseology. Then, as she’s talking about her single friends, she keeps mentioning eligible bachelors that could be keepers, which is sort of a funny turn of events, because really they don’t want that man to have anything to do with the fishing shows or anything else that involves sitting on your ass for hours at a time, ignoring the woman and the list of shit she wants him to do.

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Get Buck Wild T Shirt

by on March 27, 2011

Not everybody knows this about male deer. They are wild. Let’s talk about the epic fights over does. Or how about the boombox in the antlers ritually placed with the 8th point (I actually have no idea how the points on the antlers work, and instead of trying to get away with a random mention of the 8th point, I decided to come clean and admit my ignorance…I have a lot of readers that are avid hunters, and I didn’t want them to think I was an idiot…at least more of an idiot than they already think I am). Wait, I’m going to go with the truth on this as well. I have no idea if I have a ton of hunter readers. Actually, it’s probably a more accurate guess to say that only 1 in 500 visitors to this site has ever gone hunting.

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This is the rock star lifestyle and it is to be aspired to. But you have to plan early. Put in the work required to build your lifestyle into the perfection that is the message on this Up All Night Sleep All Day T Shirt. Cultivate the guitar playing. Or the the singing. Or the drums. Learn how to hit three pointer consistently and stay up late after the basketball games. Or do some sort of work at home gig, so you can work whenever, wherever you want. Then, start making it happen. Live the night life. Sleep when only the boring people are doing their sad commuter thing.

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Total conversation starter. Wear this Somebody Lied To You T Shirt and point at people in the bar that look like they’ve been misled. Maybe it’s the terrible orange tan they have…point at them then point at your shirt. Somebody lied to you about that tan looking good. Or if the DJ is playing a song with autotune, you point at them and then at your shirt and explain that autotune is the shittiest addition to music since the sickly 80s soprano sax/synthesizer combination.

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It is time to celebrate man. The work week is over. Kick off your shoes, sit back and relax. Drink a cold one. Boss the kids around. Smoke a doobie in front of your mom. Whatever. It’s the weekend. Or if you’re younger, the weekend the perfect time to organize threesomes. Not so practical during the week when you have classes in the morning and homework at night, but the weekend was made for adventure. I sort of sound like a beer commercial or something, but the reality is you find more truth in a beer commercial than you do a full year’s worth of Congressional sessions. Did I even say that right.

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I like this a lot. I think I want to make it my motto in life. But, before I live it 100% I need to get the I’ve Got a Degree in Maxin’ and Relaxin’ T Shirt, so I can constantly remind myself of my MO. Work hard. Play hard. And even within both of those pursuits, there are bursts of work and then relax. Pound out 25 minutes of un-interupted computing, then take 5 away from the monitor. Maxin and relaxin.

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This rolled up dollar bill reminds me of towelie, except towelie can’t help but be high all the time, whereas this dollar bill just can’t help but be money because he’s cool, and he’s got his shit together. Look at the shades, the sneakers, the arms crossed, the eyebrows just so. Dude’s money. And, you know how they say a lot of your character shows in the friends you keep. Well, if you wear this I Can’t Help But Be Money T shirt you basically are in the company of a winner and that means by proxy you are a winner too.

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Beat up that beat you guido. The roided, fake tan beasts of Jersey Shore do the fist pump. They start pounding the ground and moves higher until it’s all up in the air. Raining down the pump. It’s so primal and plastic. It’s an amazing paradox and that’s why each man, woman and child in the United States and abroad loves the Jersey Shore, can’t get enough of the Jersey Shore. And, that’s why there will be millions of these Fist Pump T Shirts floating around in the Universe as people continue to capture the magic of the plasti-primal.

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Not sure I agree with this sentiment. You can’t always rest on your laurels. Of course this I’m Number One Why Try Harder T Shirt does make it clear that there is some trying, so maybe it’s right. If you know what you need to do to maintain #1, maybe you don’t want to expend extra energy, which may burn you out and make you lose your grasp of the top spot. Maybe I like it.

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Come over here kids and let me tell you a story about a band from the 80s that was the toast of the town for a relatively short time. Flash in the pan. One hit wonder. Lightning in a bottle. They were called A Flock of Seagulls and they epitomized the synthesizer-heavy music of the decade.

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Transitive Pictograph Verbalizations are all the rage in the Internet t shirt community. Ever since New York busted out the greatest city PR campaigns ever with the I Heart NY, people have been taking that model and tweaking it for their own purposes, often to great comedic effect.

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