April 2011

What does it say about me that I love this I’d Rather Be Sashaying T Shirt unconditionally? There’s a girl with massive hair and a bonnet, cranking on the fiddle and doing the sashay thing in her heavy petticoats. Quite amazing. And, of all the “I’d Rather”, messages you see in a day (some experts estimate an average of 23 per day for each and every city dweller) this is probably my favorite, and in all actuality, I’ve never sashayed. But, just thinking that I might be capable of sashaying makes my heart skip a beat.

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I guess what we’re saying here is that only geeks and dweebs say no to drugs, because that’s what Sally is. Of course, she may have some very respectable qualities, like devotion to her pet rabbit, serious nightly homework sessions, and sitting quietly in church. But, if you’re really trying to get ahead you might need to say yes a few times, when offered speed, crank, heroin, grass, and barbituates and E and morphine drips. Just every once in a while so the movers and shakers don’t think you’re totally square.

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Another spectacularly random shirt with animals, humans, and sex all mixed up into a weird ball of depravity and simple rhyme. Would you wear this Titty Said the Kitty T Shirt in the park, in the dark, while holding hands with Mark, making the dog bark, reading FARK, or singing Hark…the herald angel sings, glory to the new born king.

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I have absolutely no idea what this 1+2=Naughty T Shirt means or is trying to say. I have nothing. You have some math. You have some totally random. You have a deer and a boy. You have a slight hint of bestiality. Or maybe a kid bringing home a wild animal to domesticate, which is naughty. There’s a little bit of threesome in there, because there’s the one (some dude), plus two (some hot bi-curious chicks) equals some naughty, naughty times.

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Another fine t shirt featuring a woman and a cigarette. So trashy. So true. When it all gets a little too stressful a nice hit over nicotine can make everything just a little bit better. Look how much happier the dame on this Quick Fix T Shirt looks now that she’s blowing a butt. Whatever it takes to get through the night. Am I right?

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Is that Drew Barrymore…if so she’s come a long way from those days as Gerdie in ET. Can you believe how small and cute she is in that movie. And now she’s portrayed on this Cocaine and Cigs T Shirt and marrying and divorcing Tom Green, and showing her rack to David Letterman, and directing pretty decent films. And still being cute.

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What? What, what? You So Geisha T Shirt gets me confused and happy and tired all at the same time. What the hell does it mean? I read Memoirs of a Geisha, and I know they’re sort of high class call girls that also introduce sensual movement, dancing, stories, and, of course, for a few more yen…a happy ending. They are kind of revered in a lot of circles in Japan…definitely moreso than the high class call girl in the United States. Here’s an interesting web page about Geisha culture.

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It’s a classic drink and according to this fine cocktail site, you just need gin, dry vermouth, olive juice, and olives. I guess the dirty comes in the olive juice. Is that right my fine reader? I guess I could look up martini and figure out the difference, and I am going to do this, because I like to go the extra mile for my fine peeps. I see a dry martini recipe that calls for gin, dry vermouth and an olive, so it looks like the olive juice is the distinguishing factor.

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