Donkey Ts: Or is it Donkey Tees

Donkey Ts: The best from this Cincinnati outfit reviewed here.

DTF T Shirt

by on July 4, 2011

Sometimes you need to make it especially clear what you’re intentions are, or at least what you’re willing to explore. Sometimes people are too coy, or shy, or polite, and when the black book fails to conjure a successful booty call, then the next best thing is this DTF T Shirt, because as you enter the bar, you are telling any potential copulation partner that you are indeed down to fuck.

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Buttman T Shirt

by on June 29, 2011

Hey, might as well let the world know which part of the female anatomy is your favorite. Right? I mean why not. This shows you have confidence, and you’re comfortable in your own skin. It also has that overt Batman logo, so I’m thinking maybe it also means you’re slightly bi if you wear the shirt. Just kidding. You’re totally straight…I mean you have a woman’s ass featured on a shirt that you are going to wear out in public. Doesn’t get more heterosexual than that.

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Going way back on this one. The classic movie Airplane came out in 1980, and it still holds up today, including the scene referenced on this I Speak Jive T Shirt.

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Hey, this is a great anti-violence, pro-weed tee for all you stoners with pacifist hearts out there. And there are a lot of you, which is why this Load Bongs Not Guns T Shirt is so popular.

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Wasn’t a big fan of The Social Network, but there were some engaging scenes, including this one in the club with Justin Timberlake as the Napster dude, Sean Parker, and Jesse Eisenberg, as the Facebook dude, Mark Zuckerberg. Sean just wants good things for Mark, including a business card that he can hand to VCs that says “I’m CEO Bitch.” Isn’t that all what we want for our friends. Anyways, that’s where this I’m CEO Bitch T Shirt is coming from, not a Dave Chappelle skit about Rick James.

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If you want to make sure the ladies know you work out all the time, then this I Skipped the Gym For This T Shirt is perfect. Plus, it also lets them know that you have a discerning taste in events, and if they’re not up to your standards you will have a bit of a sneer, because you’re better than that. Some gals will be put off by this attitude but shrinking violets are not what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the hot women that have that perpetual “I just smelled cat feces” look, because they too are very difficult to please.

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Because my mom doesn’t allow me to watch TV, I had no idea what the heck this I Can’t Spare a Square T Shirt was all about. I mean it’s pretty random. That is until I did a couple hours of Internet research and found out that this was a scene in a classic Seinfeld episode.

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Fun kids game. If you wear this as an adult it gives you some fun-loving, kid-at-heart clout, which can go a long way, even if your ultimate goal on the evening you wear the Duck Duck Goose T Shirt is to get some. And when I say some you know what kinda some I’m talking about. I don’t need to spell it. Or maybe I do…F O R N I C A T I O N or perhaps C O P U L A T I O N.

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Stud Muffin T Shirt

by on June 18, 2011

You have to have some balls to wear this Stud Muffin T shirt. And, of course, you have big, fat, veiny, hairy balls, so I assume you’ll be purchasing the tee with no delay. Any time you can wear a shirt featuring the picture of an actual muffin you have to do it. Right? I mean it’s so compelling in and of itself, then you add the thing about stud and the girls will be hanging on your every word, so much so you might want to try your luck somewhere other than swing set at the park.

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Beach Tees

by on June 18, 2011

I like this concept. The classic beach tees for summer, transformed by the ironic and sarcastic modern t shirt times, so that what you end up with is palm trees, sunsets, islands, and the names of places that don’t even sniff a tropical ocean beach, like Ohio, Iceland, Chicago, Tennessee, Sweden, etc.

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Dirk Nowitzki got MVP for leading the Dallas Mavericks to a 4-2 series victory over the Miami Heat in the NBA finals. Good for him. He’s been through a lot of crap, including losing the 2006 NBA Finals to the Heat after leading 2-0 and having a 13-point lead in the fourth quarter of game three. Then, the team choked in the playoffs as the number one seed losing to eighth-seeded Golden State. Plus, there was the deal with his stripper girlfriend very publicly trying to game him. But, he’s persevered and he made it through with the team he started with. Great story.

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Because when you raise a fist in the air, you are saying solidarity. You are saying Black Power. You are saying I am one with the Union. You are saying the US Kleptocracy has got to end and I’m standing up against rampant greed, malfeasance, and the corporate death spiral, and make my voice known. But, this Join the Fist T Shirt is none of those things or maybe it’s all of those things. It’s just the fist for fist’s sake.

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