August 2011

Hey when you bring a gun to a thumb wrestling championship it’s against the rules, except there are a few loopholes in the rules as you can imagine, since the Thumb Wrestling Federation probably wasn’t that thorough in their development of the rulebook, and they probably didn’t have an attorney specializing in sports comb through and add the requisite thou’s and thus’s and heretofore’s. I’ll even bet a dollar they didn’t have a professional proofreader go over it for grammar and consistency and all the things that spectacular proofers do that I don’t even know about. BTW, if you need a magnificent proofer I know the best. Let me know.

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Hey, if you’re going to hire a skywriting plane you might as well get your money’s worth. Screw cute little love you or will you marry me messages. That kind of hogwash fades quicker than a teenager’s attention span. If you really want bang for your buck write something in the sky that will resonate deeply and last a lifetime. This It’s Not Me, It’s You T Shirt is a perfect example.

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If you’re into the animation show Archer then you probably don’t even need me to tell you that this International Secret Intelligence Service T Shirt is a must own article of clothing. You must be seen in this, because it tells everybody that you are really zany, and are down to watch some of the most degrading and dirty programming on television. And, that, my friend, will get you places in the night time hours in any metropolitan area.

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This corporate retreat in Raccoon City in 1998 was epic. The Umbrella Corporation put on one kind of event. One to remember for a lifetime. They were in the business of making memories I tell ya. If you were there or wish you were then you probably need to pick up this Umbrella Corporation Corporate Retreat T Shirt before the price sky rockets once people realize this is a very scarce and valuable collectors item.

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It doesn’t get much better in terms of comfort food to make you feel all happy, full, and loved. Of course, the wheat and cheese in pizza makes me bloated, gassy, and mucous-full, which isn’t the greatest feeling. And I’m sure they both give me backne. So, the after effects may not be awesome, but living in the moment those foods really are worthy of celebrating, which is why you need to purchase the Pizza Taco High Five T Shirt today.

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Whoa! Some deep shit right here. A mind bender. I start to sweat trying to put this together so it makes some kind of sense in my mind. I won’t sleep well tonight until I map it out on graph paper with a very nice Zebra mechanical pencil. This The Following Statement is True The Previous Statement is False T Shirt is the kind of thing you definitely need to wear if you’re going out on the prowl trying to get some action from people that look good, but are more than just fine bodies. They have brains.

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Of course, this is a shout out to the most popular game of all time: Mario Brothers. I have no statistics to back that up, but judging from the 41,326 t shirts that reference the game, it’s pretty safe to say if you’re a gamer geek, you’ve played and loved Mario Bros. Now this particular Koopa Troup 85 T Shirt is a very nice option for those of you in the market for this type of garment. I mean it says Mushroom Kingdom Be Prepared to Kill Plumbers. And has the turtle with wings.

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Nice little zombie wordplay here. And the image is sufficiently grotesque to make any zombie enthusiast giggle with glee as they click the buy now button and purchase the A Mind is a Wonderful Thing to Taste T Shirt. I like the fact that this dude met his demise in a work setting. Actually, I’m guessing he had just got off work, loosened his tie, and was going to knock back a couple to take the edge off before heading home to the wifey.

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Another fine shirt recalling the magnificence that was the Firefly TV show as conceived by Joss Whedon. This particular Mudders Milk T Shirt refers to a bar seen in Canton Town on Higgins’ Moon.

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Ah, look at the little Tribbles. And they’re healthy too, because they were raised on Organic Quadrotriticale. If you watch Star Trek feverishly…I mean religiously, then you know what in the hell this means, and you love it, and the Cyrano Jones’ Tribble Farms T Shirt is probably already on its way to your home because you’ve already clicked the buy now button. And that’s awesome. If you’re not a Star Trek fan, then that expert in Tribble husbandry is a little creepy and those hairly little rolly polly things are recalling the smell in the monkey building at the zoo.

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I always get confused with Alien from 1979 and its sequel Aliens from 1986. Especially since I’ve never seen the movies. It makes it hard to keep track of which is which. I believe this Powerloader 5000 T Shirt is from Aliens with Sigourney Weaver calling the alien a bitch and fighting it while in this human controlled robotic arm machine thing.

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Obviously a nice little play on the Serenity spaceship in the TV show Firefly, the show developed by Joss Whedon. The word Serenity, of course, brings to mind the calming effects of a little tea. Although, I would have picked a soothing herbal blend rather than a green, which naturally has a hint of caffeine, but the association is still nice and the art on the Serenity Brand Green Tea T shirt is beautiful, especially that origami spaceship.

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