U.S. Catholic Bishops Need More Exorcists, Pronto

by on November 13, 2010

The U.S. is in high alert. The Roman Catholic in the United States is down to only six exorcists. They’re holding open tryouts this weekend to try to bolster those numbers to 122. Thank God. These demon possessed people are overrunning the place. It’s a mess.

Wonder what the tryouts consist of. First, they sit in a linoleum floored basement room with terrible florescent lights, which are switched off as the assistant to the head of the Catholic exorcism division informs the candidates that they are about to watch a harrowing film about demonic possession. He delicately hits play on the VCR/TV hybrid sitting on a AV cart, and the hopefuls are watching The Exorcist. Then, there’s a very somber Q&A. Then, they run through a battery of tests not unlike NFL combines. Show us how you would scream the devil out of this inflatable doll. Show us your power forward touch to knock out the evil spirit. How’s your lateral movement? Avoid this projectile vomit simulation.

From the blog of Jonathan Turley:

“Overwhelmed by the demand for exorcisms, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops are putting out the word that ‘Exorcists Need Apply’ and that training in Baltimore is being held today. Down to only six U.S. exorcists the ‘Good Shepherds’ hope to raise that number to 122.”

I like funny news stories like this, and, of course, I like funny t shirts.

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