Torso Pants: Very Nice!

by on July 6, 2008

Torso Pants LogoIf you, like me, appreciate…no…love the absurd, and bold colors, and hamsters, you will adore the establishment that goes by the name of TorsoPants or the more formal Torso Pants.

These are top notch funny t shirts on the finest quality tees in a terrific variety of colors. Choose from American Apparel, Hanes Beefy T, District Threads Vintage Tees, ringer tshirts, jersey tees, long sleeve t-shirts, hoodies, and don’t forget women-specific styles, including baby doll tees, boy beater tanks, and spaghetti strap tanks.

Torso Pants is the absurd step-brother to tshirt hell’s rude third cousin. If you, like me, appreciate…no…love the absurd, and bold colors, and hamsters, you will adore the establishment that goes by the name of TorsoPants.

These are top notch funny t shirts on the finest quality tees in a terrific variety of colors. Choose from American Apparel, Hanes Beefy T, District Threads Vintage Tees, ringer tshirts, jersey tees, long sleeve t-shirts, hoodies, and don’t forget women-specific styles, including baby doll tees, boy beater tanks, and spaghetti strap tanks.

Let me also emphasize that 9 times out of ten these tee shirts are going to make you chubby chuckle. Now

Below are the funny tshirts currently available in the Torso Pants section of the T-shirt Hell website from first to worst:

Homeschool Valedictorian


This is just the best tshirt ever. And, you can see a nerdy, but self-aware homeschool hero wearing this shirt with a proper ironic smirk.

Ante, Christ Tee Shirt


It looks like Christ’s powers are failing him at poker and he’s getting flustered and dudes are giving him a hard time. I think tomorrow afternoon, after Christ rolls out of bed and shakes off a hangover, he’ll probably start thinking about ways to get even with those aholes.

Make Lemonade Tshirt


Modern day lemonade ain’t so simple. But, hey, make the best of it. Right? Kids need to be chemists before they make a few bucks with a lemonade stand.

Jesus Loves You Tshirt


Simply wonderful shirt. John Cusack may very well be the third coming of the Jesus. Picture him with a beard. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. You don’t agree. You do agree. Say something about this shirt. Say Anything. Please.

Plain Clothes Cop Tee


Such a beautifully simple concept. Funny. And, would totally work in if you really were a plain clothes cop. You’re workin’ the drug deal. Recording device implanted in your wrist. Dudes in a truck incredulous you’re really wearing this shirt. But, of course, it works. The druglord is nabbed and you’re a plain clothes cop hero.

Voted “Most Likely to Travel Back in Time” Class of 2057 Tshirt


Funny stuff. And messes with your mind. A double whammy for starting conversation at any party.

My Marxist Feminist Dialectic Brings All The Boys to the Yard Tshirt


Kelis said it pretty good when she mentioned her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but this tee says it better for all those pointy-headed intelluctual chicks.

I Meet Or Exceed Expectations Tshirt


Never hurts to advertise your abilities and your general competence. Never know when a good first impression is going to come in handy.

I Heart (Love) Transitive Pictograph Verbalizations T-shirt


Hey…when something is played out, you can still squeeze a little juice if you invert it into itself. This goes inside out and comes out the other side as good times.

Pimp Tshirt


Mathematics and prostitution always make for humorous bedfellows. Am I right?

Go Local Sports Team and/or College Tshirt


No better way to say, sports are silly and I don’t give half a hoot about the local team. And, no, I don’t want to pay for your new stadium.

Words on a Shirt Tshirt


Distill it down to the bare essentials. Again, shining the light back on yourself, finding the humor, and sharing it unashamed to the masses. Heavy stuff for such a simple concept.

Pancakes Tshirt


Who does not like pancakes. At least for a while, until you eat to many and start to feel sick. Still, I like pancakes and I like tshirts, so this is the perfect item to purchase right now.

Tuba Hero Tee


You try marching with that 50 pounds of brass. I’m talking those fiberglass sousas that pansies play. I’m talking real deal metal. You’re automatically a hero if your marching behind a road apple dropping horse, a swerving float, and a farting marshall to entertain the town on Main Street.

Purples Oranges Tshirt


This one shocks the system. Oranges are orange. Not a very original name for a fruit. But, what if they were purple? Is this what we would call them. Another great conversation starter.

Moo Chicken T-shirt


These little switcheroonis can work or they can fail miserably. I think this one works because instead of picturing chicken and saying “cow,” this shirt tweaks the formula a little and drops the sound the cow makes, so then you imagine a chicken mooing and you start to chuckle like a drunk farmer.

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me? Tshirt


Totally let people know you’ve got the skeptical hypothesis going on. You’ll totally get laid just for being so bold to wear this shirt.

Athiest Non-Praying Mantis Tee Shirt


Crossing his arms. Not prostrate. This is kind of ugly. When someone or something refuses to be at one with their nature. These praying mantis bugs need to bow before Mecca, pray to Jesus on their knees, fall before L. Ron Hubbard in holy worship. Something. None of this rebel crap.

True Evolution Tshirt


The scientists have it all wrong. It went monkey, balloon animal, walrus, robot, and upright man. It’s kind of obvious if you think about it. Actually, this wins the award for the most random evolution shirt, thus I give it the thumbs up.

I Stole This Shirt From a Homeless Guy Why He Had a Shirt that Says This I’ll Never Know Tshirt


It does make you think deep thoughts doesn’t it. Maybe there’s been a never ending cycle of homeless guys stealing this shirt from other homeless guys. It happens you know.

Torso Pants Ranked: Part 2

Check out the T-Shirt Hell Review.

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