Tshirt Hell

Tshirt Hell is probably the most blatantly offensive tee site on the Net, but you can tell there’s a brain behind all the bustle. Sometimes the designs miss the mark and are just in poor taste, but sometimes they push it just enough to be dangerously hilarious.

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It’s always nice to get the most famous and fabulous representatives of Scientology on the same shirt, especially when you can imply that you think both are gay, which is no problem, except that they both go out of their way to seem heterosexual (unless John loses it a little and starts soliciting the services of street-walking massuese boys). I think John would probably be the bottom in this particular coupling because Tom is an absolute force of nature.

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I’m trying to think of the best place to wear this, and I’m thinking it’s probably BINGO night at the Veteran’s Hall. Or maybe your grandma’s hospital room and you’re the only one that visits. Or your honeymoon suite. Or, hell I don’t know, all you readers out there have any ideas. Leave ’em in the comments and we’ll have a rousing good time.

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Green Party T Shirt

by on September 19, 2012

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Who do we have here? Some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. The Grinch. The Jolly Green Giant. The Hulk. The demon in Ghostbuster. Oscar the Grouch. That certainly is a green party, and coincidently they all are very vocal in their support of a clean environment.

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Love this question. Why not just install Lloyd Blankfein or Jamie Dimon as King for life and move on with the monarchy. We’ll all be the subservient peasants fearful of our lives as King Dimon rides around the countryside inspecting crops and the budding young men he’d like to couple with.

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Flavor Savior T Shirt

by on September 18, 2012

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I have no idea what this means but that image of the pretty Christ with a soul patch really speaks to me. Add to it the halo and the butterscotch swirl background, and you have a Jesus shirt that ranks up there with the best. And you want the best don’t you?

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What’s remarkable about the rock star male scientists throughout history is that they did get a lot of attention from the ladies. A guy with a mind that big, who knows how to use it can be a real turn on. Now, if you start talking about quantum physics and cats in boxes, that’s just like filling a fire hydrant with pheremones and blasting it in the room.

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Presidential Jokers T Shirt

by on September 13, 2012

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Leave it to the Scooby Doo gang to reveal the real truth about the imposters that have been nominated by their respective parties. It’s not Republican versus Democratic or conservative versus liberal. It’s joker versus joker and the power elite pulling the strings find that gang of young pesky misfits troublesome and annoying, but the theater will continue with a couple of new fresh-faced evil clowns.

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This is a good one. It’s the silly political season, so why not make sure those with clip boards, bumper stickers, and strong opinions about party platforms, know that you’re no longer playing the game. Let me know when the guy, that’s going to jail some bankers, revoke corporate personhood, and bury Monsanto six feet under, gets a party nomination President, and I might hit the booth.

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Now, this is what I’m talking about with the election. There is no choice. The game is rigged. Barack Obama or Mitt Romney. Cut from the same cloth. Beholden to the same corporations. Cogs in the kleptocracy. I love the United States despite all its foibles, but I’m sure as hell not going to waste my time voting, no matter how eloquent and moving Obama is as a public speaker.

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Tshirt Hell The Bowels

by on August 29, 2012

Tshirt Hell has announced that for a limited time they have brought back 96 of their classic, offensive, horrible designs, created to guide you down the quickest path to the underworld. Enjoy!

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I’m not even sure that I know what this means, but it sounds funny. I guess you have your tortured artist character, and there’s probably a chain sandwich shop that calls their people behind the counter, sandwich artists, so it’s only natural that Tshirt Hell would mash those two concepts together into something colorful and absurd.

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If the outer accutrements make it seem as if you are more on the feminine side, but you don’t really feel like that’s how you want to be portrayed, then you probably need to say something out loud to make sure people know what’s going on. Wearing this shirt is a good option as well. Your choice. Just make it quick, because it feels all estrogeny up in here.

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