Tshirt Hell

Tshirt Hell is probably the most blatantly offensive tee site on the Net, but you can tell there’s a brain behind all the bustle. Sometimes the designs miss the mark and are just in poor taste, but sometimes they push it just enough to be dangerously hilarious.

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Going to those meetings is a bitch, but BA will help you get centered and grounded and real, and give you a foundation to work from. If you’re a boobaholic baby, yeah, you exposed your addictive personality earlier, but look on the bright side. It could have been crystal meth at 27. You’re getting it out of the way early. And, at least you got breast feed. Mother’s milk is the best.

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Dumpster diving! Once you get to a place in your life where dumpster diving becomes acceptable, then the rules of sanitation change. Whereas once you lived in a house with floors that were cleaned once a week and the rule if an unwrapped piece of food hit the tile was 5 seconds. However, if you’re living under a bridge, homeless, then 100,000 seconds is a little more reasonable. It brings a lot more options into play, including stuff that’s thrown out.

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It’s fun as an agnostic to pretend that certain actors profess to follow different religions, and then to think about what they would look like as a typical believer in that particular sect. Apparently, other people in the world, including the designer of this shirt, find the exercise fascinating as well. Thus, Christian Bale is obviously has Jesus in his heart, but what if he was a Jew or Muslim.

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Nice little switcherooni here. You thought the shirt was gonna say bitches be crazy, but no… What we have here is just the opposite and also a sometimes true statement, because in reality, life is complicated. Sometimes the bitches be crazy and sometimes the bitches be perfectly reasonable. It’s a case by case and even moment by moment judgment.

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Not sure what I think about using babies to amplify the humor on shirts. Is it wrong? I mean it’s funny as hell, just like drawing dicks on baby’s faces when they are sleeping is hilarious, but maybe it’s not the right thing to do. I mean, what are people gonna think. That’s this baby was in dire straights with crack addict parents, so he pulled up photoshop and designed this t-shirt, then sent it out to have it printed at one of those print on demand places. Then, elbowed mom out of the way when the UPS dude arrived at the door. Then, started wearing it on the sly. Just seems kind of unrealistic.

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Very nice callout to the fine scene from Silence of the Lambs. James Gumb was such a fantastic character. How come I can’t find Bill Hader’s impression of Gumb on SNL. Dammit. Someone help me out right here.

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This is like MY shirt, what with living in the basement and following my mom’s rules. There are perks you know. Don’t have to pay too much rent. I can sneak Funyuns out of the pantry when she’s at work. And, I get compliments on my appearance, which boosts my confidence and, basically, allows me to continue being awesome on the Internet.

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This is a funny twist on that tired Al Gore invented the Internet shit. So, happy they got his face in the design with the lid of his skull popped up and tools tinkering in that brain of his. Very well done right here. I wonder if they programmed in the sex scandal stuff, or if that was a glitch?

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Weed Blowjobs 2012 T Shirt

by on September 28, 2012

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This pretty much sums up my attitude toward politics. It’s useless. Might as well be hedonistic as this corporate state of kleptomaniacs drives this great country straight into the ground. I’m actually not much into Vice President Blowjobs, so hopefully President Weed doesn’t get knocked off, so that BJs gets thrust into the scary position of running the show.

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This one is funny. I love the keys hanging off the pinky of the hand holding the beer. What a sacrifice: foregoing the pleasure of multiple mind buzzing, speech slurring, stomach turning shots, in order to safely drive all your shit-faced friends home being only pretty drunk.

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Wish I Was Here T Shirt

by on September 28, 2012

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Sometimes you get so deep in your head that you are not where your body is. It’s almost like an out-of-body experience. Happens to me all the time. Did I really let a fart slip as I turned to walk into my office. Did she hear it? That sort of existential questioning and meandering through my memories and mind can pull me far away from the present, where, perhaps, I’m farting very loudly and becoming a mockery of the dinner party in honor of the woman with 17 years of service at the Botanical Gardens. That, my friends, is the perfect time to be wearing this shirt.

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When you are preparing to go into the club, you know that 76 percent of all the female patrons in the place will have read 50 Shades of Grey. So, this shirt is guaranteed to connect. You’ll probably have to fight women off of you just for wearing this shirt. You could be as ugly as Larry Bird, and have no game, and still this shirt will do all the work for you to get laid by your choice of fine ladies.

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