Tshirt Hell

Tshirt Hell is probably the most blatantly offensive tee site on the Net, but you can tell there’s a brain behind all the bustle. Sometimes the designs miss the mark and are just in poor taste, but sometimes they push it just enough to be dangerously hilarious.

Happy Fonza T Shirt

by on November 28, 2012

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A little wordplay with Fonzie and Kwaanza. I don’t know much about Kwaanza, but it must involve dried corn, ‘cuz that’s what Henry Winkler is holding. He also seems to have seven red and green candles lit in the background. Not sure if that’s part of the deal, but knowing Tshirt Hell’s attention to detail, it’s probably definitely a big part of the celebration.

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Santa Has Diabetes T Shirt

by on November 28, 2012

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Man, this is tough news to break to the kids. It comes out in the summer. You tell ’em. Yeah he’s getting insulin shots…Mrs. Claus or his favorite elf jams that big needle in his ass. He’s on the caveman diet (except he’s always cheating). And, he hopes to have all of his limbs and eyesight when Xmas rolls around so he can deliver the goods. But, it’s not a sure thing. Yep, it’s true. Kids like you did it too him. It’s not like he can take a pass on all those damn cookies, eggnog, and fudge. He’s gotta pack it down to look grateful. Horrible for a guy, especially at his age. I’m trying to warn you, so you’ll be emotionally prepared either way. Now, what was it you wanted from Santa so I can deliver the message.

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This is very funny. You go back home for the holidays and your mom still has that way about her. Not quite approving but smothering all at the same time. And as she pulls your check into her ample saggy breasts and pats your head, and mutters shit about you finding a good woman some day, and reaching your true potential some day…you get fed up wiggle out of her grasp and scream Christ, Ma. Your little nieces start to cry. Your uncle is laughing. Your sister rolls her eyes.

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Remember the real reason for the season, and if that’s too hard because of all the goddamned commercialism and the Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays and asshole kids demanding all the bullshit they saw on Youtube, then we need to take a little more forceful action, like praying to Jesus to beat Santa down with a baseball bat. Amen.

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Clearly Ambiguous T Shirt

by on November 16, 2012

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Nice little absurdity here. The joke is ambiguity is not clear. It’s muddy. Convoluted. Unclear. Though, I guess you could say look at that pond. The water is clearly muddy and that actually makes sense even though it’s awkwardly phrased. Maybe that’s all this shirt is saying about the wearer. “I am awkward” and slightly nerdy.

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This is a very prestigious award, and I find it funny that you can select the year. Like you’re thinking to yourself when did I really have game in my life. All the dudes called me playa, and the honeys wanted to get with me. Oh yeah…1987. Had that mullet and the finest parachute pants you could get. That’s the year. Then you tell T-shirt Hell, as you place your order that the year on the shirt, after serious consideration, should be 1987.

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I really like this shirt. Completely random. Has the word dick and a picture of a dick. Plus, the nice initialism WTF. There’s not much more you could really desire for a t-shirt in this day and age. Of course, I expect nothing less from Tshirt Hell.

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I’m not super excited for complete morons and idiotic crybabies as the descriptors for the voters of the two parties, but the concept is strong enough that I’m going to endorse it anyway. I’m thinking more delusional and willfully ignorant. I mean if you’re voting for either of the two parties you’re voting for massive, unadulterated corruption.

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Mello Kitty T Shirt

by on October 20, 2012

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This particular kitty wakes and bakes and is always mellow. However, one thing I have to ask right now. I hear the quality of the pot has changed drastically in the last 10 years. Back in the day it wasn’t as high quality but it also was predictable. You got mellow. These days I hear, depending on the strain, that you make actually get amped up after smoking or eating or breath stripping the weed. Is this true? I get all my information from About.com.

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Puff Puff Pass T Shirt

by on October 20, 2012

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Puff Puff Pass is a game or even an unwritten rule for groups of people smoking on the same doob. Take a couple puffs and pass it along to the next person. You don’t want to Bogart the joint, but you also don’t want to short change yourself.

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I think I missed this design when it came out or maybe I ignored it because it was too soon after the Aurora shooting at the Batman movie, but it really is a nice dig at the stupidity of the Hollywood copyright cartel, that rules a large part of the culture. Those super annoying ads…you wouldn’t steal a car, would you. Well you wouldn’t download a movie from the Internet either. Good logic, except that I’m guessing that tidy little movie executive is still going to be able to drive to the fucking office tomorrow, the day after I file share Transformers, whereas, that poor sucker that got his car stolen will probably have to take the bus or get a ride. Sorta different. A little bit.

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I love this design. Look at that dude all scrunched up, sitting on a piano bench, playing that normal-sized piano. The lady is in her nice dress singing, an artful twist in her torso, and hand elegantly on the piano, hinting at another sip from the martini. Classy! And, then there’s the wordplay aspect, which is down at the basest level of humor. The juxaposition works in my mind. Of course, I’m eternally a teenager at heart, what with the strict Christian upbringing that stunted my natural growth and caused me to freeze up solid in immaturity. Wait, did I just type that. What is this a counselling session. That dude has at least 15 inches of tumescence waiting for the chanteuse and that’s all there is to it.

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