Tshirt Hell

Tshirt Hell is probably the most blatantly offensive tee site on the Net, but you can tell there’s a brain behind all the bustle. Sometimes the designs miss the mark and are just in poor taste, but sometimes they push it just enough to be dangerously hilarious.

shit-happens-t-shirt

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Wearing this t-shirt out around town is straight out of the How to Win Friends and Influence People playbook. Seriously, people love it when you mock their misery and call them assholes. In fact, find places where people, who experienced bad things, gather, and just gallivant around with your chest puffed out.

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Girl Power T Shirt

by on December 18, 2012

girl-power-t-shirt

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I guess this is supposed to diminish the girl power movement (is there such a thing?) But, in reality, that girl is just in a cool treadmill like machine at the gym and she’s hot if not a little too yellow.

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Dalai Lama Asshole T Shirt

by on December 18, 2012

dalai-lama-asshole-t-shirt

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Remember how Mother Teresa was considered a saint and spent her entire life helping the poor. Except there were stories that she was actually a tyrant and was teaching all the locals in India or wherever she was that they shouldn’t use condoms. At least that’s what Christopher Hitchens wrote. Anyways, it wouldn’t surprise me if the good ol’ Dalai Lama had some skeletons. Control freak. Sexual deviant. Power tripping megalomaniac. Something. This shirt just assumes the worst.

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peanut-butter-sucks-youre-just-jellies-t-shirt

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Those jellies are mean, but peanut butter isn’t going to fold under the pressure. He drops a nice wordplay comeback that surely made them pipe down. I mean you just have to applaud that sort of quick wit in the heat of the battle.

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lil-orphan-annie-the-sun-didnt-come-out-t-shirt

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This is the most devastating t-shirt design I have seen in a long time. Poor Lil Ophan Annie. Here’s was a story of grit and determination and positive thinking, but in the end all that bullshit didn’t make a difference, and her days remained dark. These are the stories you don’t hear about as often, when talking about the power of positive thinking or singing as the case may be. The dog’s pissed because it hasn’t been so good for him either but she didn’t think to do a murder-suicide pact with her faithful friend.

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Now there’s something that isn’t talked about enough. The separation of God and sports. It is pretty ludicrous to point to the heavens after you successfully run out a bunt single, ‘cuz in a seriousness…God doesn’t give a shit about your sporty efforts. True story. In fact, she gets so fed up with being called out as a fair weather fan, she has started flipping players off at stadiums across the nation.

Read more on God Made Your Favorite Team Lose T Shirt…

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No. No. No. We’re not talking about Roe V. Wade and abortion here. We’re talking about a very odd Japanese gameshow that Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade competed in with Roe, the mobile salmon egg roll. There were all sorts of dubious athletic adventures in which they competed fairly evenly, but it was kind of cooked. It came down to the last event and lo and behold what should it be, but basketball…a game that Wade plays professionally. Still it was close, the Roe could ball, but DWade prevailed in the end.

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And the punchline…dude, we totally forgot. Because for real POWs and MIAs the phrase is never forget. But, if there are POWs and MIAs in the War on Drugs, the army you’re rolling with is a bunch of meth heads and stoners, and they totally forget stuff. While both destructive, the wars have very different vibes.

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uSheep T Shirt

by on December 2, 2012

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I like this one for the holiday season. Everybody is asking Santa for the latest Macbook whatever or iPad whatnot, and really they’re all just uSheep. Wait, this isn’t a very festive message. I enjoy my iPods, so I can’t say anything too negative, but it is a bit cultish with some folks. I can see Apple haters really digging this design. I only hate iTunes for Windows.

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Yeah, ha ha if a hot, bitchy housewife is wearing this, but ROFFL if you’re a hairy, sweaty dude and you’re proudly wearing this in a tight 4X. Then you get props and I greatly appreciate the sexualized Santa humor. This shirt just reminded me I need to watch Bad Santa for the holidays again. Gather round kiddies. It’s Billy Bob Thorton being hilarious.

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You hear a lot of Jewish comedians talk about their issues growing up without Christmas. Sounds kind of painful. Definitely would be traumatic seeing old Saint Nick pissing on the candles. Hey…if you remember the Maccabes, Santa is gonna think you’re a nerd and skip your house. You do the fish and dreidel and shit.

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I honestly did not know that Jackie Chan was Jewish. Swear to God. In fact, I’ve never heard of a Jewish Asian until now. But, hey, I’m not gonna judge or mock. I’m going to celebrate the diversity. I’m guessing with Chan kicking the Menora that he slipped from the faith or got bored of the ritual, or simple replaced the Jewish religion with Kung Fu religion. Or maybe that’s the holiday decoration of a neighbor he can’t stand, and he’s finally physically expressing his feelings.

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