Tshirt Hell

Tshirt Hell is probably the most blatantly offensive tee site on the Net, but you can tell there’s a brain behind all the bustle. Sometimes the designs miss the mark and are just in poor taste, but sometimes they push it just enough to be dangerously hilarious.

lets-get-fucked-up-like-the-economy-tshirtYou wear this little gem out drinkin’ and you’re going to have a commiseration party six deep. People just moanin’ into there cheap as shit cans of bear, talkin’ about lost jobs, more expensive health benefits, plummeting 401Ks, and a world-wide epidemic of less soft Pima cotton.

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hopeless-romantic-seeks-filthy-whore-teeIt’s very important to be totally honest with your hopes and desires and the definition of yourself. Especially as it pertains to relationships. I mean you could try to paint this relationship seeking ad in a different light, but, really, you’ll never get what you want until you go ahead and name what you want in no uncertain terms. The universe is abundant. The universe will graciously provide all the filthy whores you can handle.

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Origasm Tshirt

by on November 3, 2009

origasm-tshirtPaper good lovin’ missionary style. When you inevitably get into an origami war with your neighbor, co-worker or youth minister, you’re gonna need to have that lights out move up your sleeve. They pop out a swan, you go eagle. They show python. You deliver crawdad, and so on and so forth, until the shit is so tense you can cut the electricity in the room with a butter knife.

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i-hope-i-dont-black-out-because-this-is-awesome-tshirtThis is always what I think when I’m doing my nightly auto-erotic asphyxiation routine. I mean Michael Hutchence and David Carradine knew how to party to the edge of consciousness…well except for the one time each of them took it a little far. Oops. Totally worth it though. Anyway, I guess some people may think of those times when they’re so hyped, they start chuggin’ Hornitos straight from the bottle, because that too is always awesome.

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Talk Nerdy to Me Shirt

by on November 1, 2009

talk-nerdy-to-me-shirtSimple good clean fun right here. Play on a racy sort of phrase that we all know from our nasty, backdoor trysts with hookers and midgets. This is not what we’re talking about. This is wholesome hilarity, because no way PSP-playin’ nerds have the game to get in a situation where there’s three women, a Shetland pony, and dirty whisper talk through an artificial larynx.

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straight-teeHappy Halloween!

If you’re gay, this is a great costume. Plus, it’s straight funny. The homosexuals did sort of commandeer the rainbow, which is a pretty cool design. Back in the days of Harvey Milk, they took to the streets with a new flag. It banded them together, gave them strength, and left all the non-homosexuals with no choice but to be much more drab in our color selection.

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i-support-single-moms-t-shirtIt’s a worthy cause giving business to single mom’s. I’m mean they’re dancing their hearts out every night so that they can put the meat, potatoes and asparagus on the table for the little tykes. Deadbeat dad is gone, impregnating strippers that haven’t been lucky enough, yet, to birth a child, so it’s down to mom.

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Marshmallow Roast T Shirt

by on October 29, 2009

marshmallow-roast-teeFinally the sugary confection gets its comeuppance. Cute little booger. Hooray. Must have been some sort of accident what with the marshmallow being 196 times its normal size. Unless, those skewered dudes are total miniatures from some nuclear accident.

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Don’t Curse Tshirt

by on October 28, 2009

dont-curse-tshirtI love the tee shirts where it looks like the wearer is a saint or do-gooder douche bag, so there’s a pre-judgment (that’s like redundant judgment). Then, if the observer comes close despite their aversion to the douche baggery, they all of a sudden find themselves within six inches of satan spawn. This, my friends, is perceptual gymnastics and not for the faint of heart. This is like jumping in the pool in winter after just slipping out of the jacuzzi. Shocker. Big time. I mean this shirt has the word “muff” on it.

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It’s not that you don’t want to go all out, but sometimes there comes a time in your life when the end of October rolls around and you’re short on time, money or inspiration to craft a worthy Halloween costume.

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ask-me-about-my-complete-lack-of-interest-tshirtNo seriously. If you’re going to a party filled with celebrities, artists, musicians and fuckin’ hotties, then you probably don’t need to wear this. Because those people make the world go ’round. But, if it’s a stodgy gathering of Nobel Prize winners and the top 10 speakers at TED, then you probably want to have this shirt on hand to show them what’s what.

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Self Parody T-shirt

by on October 19, 2009

self-parody-t-shirtThis shirt is so deep I don’t even know where to begin. It’s almost like traveling in time on your head with a blindfold and a 3-foot Papa Smurf doll.

It’s like nobody knows who you are when you’re wearing this shirt. Is it the real you, a parody of yourself. A parody of Kansas Jayhawks coach Bill Self. Who even knows? And that’s the beauty of this simple, but NOT SO SIMPLE…tee.

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