Tshirt Hell

Tshirt Hell is probably the most blatantly offensive tee site on the Net, but you can tell there’s a brain behind all the bustle. Sometimes the designs miss the mark and are just in poor taste, but sometimes they push it just enough to be dangerously hilarious.

Hey, put away the sleeping pills. Stop knotting up that rope with the noose. Take the live ammo out of the gun. You can make it through. Oh wait, I think I’m analyzing this 03687 Days Since the Last Time I Gave a Shit T Shirt all wrong. The person wearing this isn’t suicidally depressed. This person is telling others that he’s at the point where this life is pretty much just a crapshoot of random events and when you die, you get burned to a crisp or buried six feet deep, so in the meantime, why really get all wound up about stuff.

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This is an acceptable shirt offering from T Shirt Hell. Yes, it has the “F” word but I don’t have a problem with that, as long as it’s not worn in front of children. In fact, I love the “F” word in all its usage cases and rich variety of tenses and parts of speech. Do you love the “F” word. Actually, I guess a more important question is do you like the I Fucking Love to Cuddle T Shirt, which gains its humorous power from the juxtaposition of a sweet warm fuzzy thing like cuddling with the word fucking. That’s the joke and it’s effective.

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Pop A Smurf T Shirt

by on October 15, 2010

Wordplay alert. Of course, this is just gross. Yeah, we get it. Curmudgeonly people don’t like sickly sweet cartoon characters, so envisioning them blowing each others brains out brings a chuckle. Ha Ha.

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I’m pretty sure this shirt is referring to cunnilingus. Let me tell you why. You have to assume most of these offerings from T Shirt Hell are funny t shirts for men. Right? If you take that into consideration, you can put yourself into the shoes of a man that has made the poor decision to wear a terrible, offensive shirt from Tee Hell. In this case, that man is walking around with OK But Wash It First T Shirt prominently displayed on his chest. The girl that sees the shirt has to think that it means he’s preemptively answering the statement, I will only go to bed with you, if you go down on me. It’s the only way I get off. At which point the dude can just point at the shirt.

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The only redeeming factor in this truly horrible and offensive shirt is that the group it discriminates against doesn’t know that it is, because they can’t read it. Other than that, no qualities worthy of this Fuck the Color Blind T Shirt existing on this great green earth.

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Winnie the Pooh is a pimp, his payment is honey. He speaks in ebonics. He wears pimp purple, and a big P for Pooh belt buckle. A couple of concerning things: One, Is that Tigger fur he’s wearing – did Winnie really fall of the deep end that far and kill his buddy just for style. Two, speaking to women like that is totally offensive. Owning them and using them to sell their bodies for a money is cool, but that language, come on Pimp Pooh.

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Well there are a few things going for this shirt. It is empowering those among us suffering from small mammary syndrome (if they have an incredible buttocks). And, if the proper body type is wearing this Who Needs Big Tits When You Have an Ass Like This T Shirt, then that brings laughter to any engagement, and a lot of closer inspection of the back side.

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This is stone cold. Girl comes up sees you’re offering free hugs on the front of your shirt. She’s friendly and sweet, so she goes ahead and takes you up on this. Meanwhile, the 30,000 people standing behind you (somehow you got on stage at a Slayer concert and got one of their backup singers to hug you…yes, they have backup singers now…they’re old and can’t hit the high notes…thought they’d sexy up the show too), enjoy the inference that this chick is a slut, which in reality she probably is since she’s a backup singer to Slayer.

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This is a great shirt. Like Russian dolls stacked inside each other 12 deep. Or looking into a mirror, looking into a mirror, looking into a mirror…to infinity.

With the I Love Transitive Pictograph Verbalizations T Shirt you are passing along that message with a transitive pictograph verbalization. It almost cancels itself out, like a black whole, a great vacuum in space. You have to really be on top of your game to continue to exist while wearing this shirt. You have to be bigger than the physics. The string theory that comes to play as soon as you put it on.

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Pure nonsense for your wearing pleasure. Are you down with absurdity? If so, this shirt with the random words and the blue fire hydrant referred to as an “apple” will be right up your alley.

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I have no idea what this means. You’re looking in a mirror and you’re shirt is reminding you that you are not an ambulance. Why? Now, there’s the popular irritation that EMT’s experience when they’re called ambulance drivers, and they want more credit than that. Apparently, they can stick needles in you just about anywhere.

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The answer to this riddle is that there is one shirt that gets perpetually stolen from homeless people. How can that be you ask. Unless, homeless steal from homeless, then this is impossible. And, while, I’m not denying that homeless do steal from homeless all the time. I mean it’s hard to lock shit up in a shopping cart, and when you have to take a link under the bridge or in the alley, sometimes it’s not practical to roll the cart in there with you, so then your cart with stuff is exposed. And, maybe you just dumpster dove for an amazing inflatable pillow that only has a small hole that you patched with some duct tape you found around a pipe in the squatters house you crash at twice a week. Well, boom, that’s a prime piece of homeless property and ripe to be stolen by another homeless person lucky enough to walk by as you’re relieving yourself.

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