Torso Pants

Torso Pants is the goofy division of T Shirt Hell. Sometimes the designs are available, sometimes they’re not, depending on the whims of the twisted mind that runs T-shirt Hell. Great shirts though. Some of my favorite.

Chicken Moo T Shirt

by on September 16, 2008

Another one of those cognitive dissonance vehicles. You see chicken, you hear moo, you don’t know your ass from a sow in heat. Humor comes tumbling after and the farmer calls the feds for an investigation.

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Not much more to say here other than you just discovered the simple KEY TO LIFE. Koala is putting the finishing touches on this deal and it’s good…real good. Talkin’ taking care of the family for generations to come.

Read more on Synergy Koala Business T Shirt…


Platypus of Death T Shirt

by on September 14, 2008

When it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go. And it don’t matter if it’s the grim reaper or a cloaked carton of Moo shu Gai Pan or a the platypus of death. You’re still gettin’ taken out. No joke. No negotiation.

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This is funny after you go to the dictionary and figure out what solipsistic means. Of course, I’ll let you in on the secret. It’s a disease one can catch from excessive flea bites. The crazy thing is you thought that was phlebitis, which is actually a type of insect genus, revered in organic vermiculture circles for being full of “good little critters” that kill “bad little critters.”

Read more on Is It Solipsistic In Here, Or Is It Just Me? T Shirt…


This shirt is lascivious and full of innuendo and I simply love it. Why? Oh, I think you know. You know where IT is under, so don’t play coy with me. Let’s get straight to the facts, keep it real and not put on fronts. If you dig REAL communication. If you crave heart-to-heart. If you like tshirts that say “underwear,” then you really ought to get this Underwear? Oh, I think you know tshirt.

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Mandolin Hero T Shirt

by on August 26, 2008

You ever seen a true Mandolin hero wailin’? If you have to think about it, you never have, ‘cuz if you’ve been in the presence of a Mandolin hero doing her thing, we’ll you’ve witnessed REAL magic.

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Oranges Purples T Shirt

by on August 25, 2008

Generally I think genetically modified food is scary and that big corporations should keep their stinkin’ devil-claws out of the farming business, but I have to make an exception for purples. These are way out cool and I’m certain quite delicious. Like a mix of concord grapes and a tangelo.

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I have to admit, I’m totally into these Band Hero tshirts from Torso Pants. And this flaming hot, French Horn really gets me. When you want to be the sophisticate in the band, go for the French Horn, because it’s way more classy than the tuba and not as suggestive as the trombone.

Read more on French Horn Hero T Shirt…


Pan Flute Hero T Shirt

by on August 10, 2008

If you’re keeping the spirit of the Pan flute alive by playing it, then no matter your skill level, you are a Pan Flute Hero. No doubt. If you do a little jig when you play the pan flute, then well, you’re a pan flute god…unfortunately, that shirt isn’t currently available.

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I Am Here T Shirt

by on August 6, 2008

Bustin’ out the map of me! I am here. Forget Wee Willie Winkie and the children for a second. Where are you? No really, where are you? David Byrne asked “How did I get here?” and that’s a good question, but even better is “Where am I?”

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Keytar Hero T Shirt

by on August 5, 2008

Ever since being in the band became the new being a jock, band geek shirts are all the rage. Keytar Hero is my favorite because there’s really no better instrument in the world.

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You gotta think in the Viking line of work, you’re going to find yourself in peculiar positions on occassion. And, like any professional, you take it in stride, you have a contingency plan, and you come out on top at the end of the day.

Read more on Upside-down Viking T Shirt…