Random T Shirts

Random T Shirts: If I find myself wondering how I’m going to tag a shirt, it usually winds up in the random tee pile.

Slurm is the energy drink in the animated series Futurama. Now you can have a Slurm T Shirt complete with the drink’s splat logo. Basically, you were this shirt and you’re telling the world that you’re a cartoon watching geek, but that’s what you have to do in 2011. You have to put a stake in the ground and say this is the type of entertainment I align myself with. Love me or leave me, because my media consumption pretty much defines me. Then, you will have people that won’t know what Slurm is and they’ll walk on by without a second glance. Then, there will be those in your tribe, and that makes owning a shirt like this one from Busted Tees completely worth it.

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Olive You T Shirt

by on April 4, 2011

Cute little word/image play going on here. But, the trouble I see is this: the only reason anybody wears any of these kooky shirts is as an ice breaker in social situations. It’s something to talk about. And, if you bust out with the Olive You T Shirt, which is a wordplay on I Love You in case you hadn’t figured that out, then you’re going to scare people off or attract a bunch of relationship hungry freaks. You may argue…no, no, no, I’m actually going to give this shirt from Snorg Tees to my significant other. And, again, I’m going to have to challenge your methodology. Yeah, when she opens the box and it’s these cute olives with the snuggly message you may get laid a couple of times or at least a firm spooning, but after that she’s wearing that shirt to class, to the bar on girl’s night out, to work out…and she’s sending this message to all the dudes within a 25 foot radius.

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Everything this shirt is saying is true, but the thing is…the person spelling on this shirt does the right thing. If they’re not sure about a word, if it doesn’t look right, then you have to start over, and that’s what they did. They want to word “hard” that was more in their wheelhouse, and honestly, it doesn’t take away from the power of the language. It gets the message across just fine. Celebrate easy spelling words with the Spelling is Difficoult, Chalanging Hard T Shirt.

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This shirt brings up a really good point. Where are all the women we need to emulate. You have your WWJD…that stands for Jesus. And you have WWNPHD and that stands for Neil Patrick Harris. You have WWTWD…that stands for Tom Waits. So finally you have this What Would Sue Do T Shirt, which helps you remember before all of your actions throughout the day to remember that there’s a higher standard in human evolution…and that is Sue.

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What does it say about me that I love this I’d Rather Be Sashaying T Shirt unconditionally? There’s a girl with massive hair and a bonnet, cranking on the fiddle and doing the sashay thing in her heavy petticoats. Quite amazing. And, of all the “I’d Rather”, messages you see in a day (some experts estimate an average of 23 per day for each and every city dweller) this is probably my favorite, and in all actuality, I’ve never sashayed. But, just thinking that I might be capable of sashaying makes my heart skip a beat.

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I guess what we’re saying here is that only geeks and dweebs say no to drugs, because that’s what Sally is. Of course, she may have some very respectable qualities, like devotion to her pet rabbit, serious nightly homework sessions, and sitting quietly in church. But, if you’re really trying to get ahead you might need to say yes a few times, when offered speed, crank, heroin, grass, and barbituates and E and morphine drips. Just every once in a while so the movers and shakers don’t think you’re totally square.

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Another spectacularly random shirt with animals, humans, and sex all mixed up into a weird ball of depravity and simple rhyme. Would you wear this Titty Said the Kitty T Shirt in the park, in the dark, while holding hands with Mark, making the dog bark, reading FARK, or singing Hark…the herald angel sings, glory to the new born king.

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I have absolutely no idea what this 1+2=Naughty T Shirt means or is trying to say. I have nothing. You have some math. You have some totally random. You have a deer and a boy. You have a slight hint of bestiality. Or maybe a kid bringing home a wild animal to domesticate, which is naughty. There’s a little bit of threesome in there, because there’s the one (some dude), plus two (some hot bi-curious chicks) equals some naughty, naughty times.

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Another fine t shirt featuring a woman and a cigarette. So trashy. So true. When it all gets a little too stressful a nice hit over nicotine can make everything just a little bit better. Look how much happier the dame on this Quick Fix T Shirt looks now that she’s blowing a butt. Whatever it takes to get through the night. Am I right?

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Is that Drew Barrymore…if so she’s come a long way from those days as Gerdie in ET. Can you believe how small and cute she is in that movie. And now she’s portrayed on this Cocaine and Cigs T Shirt and marrying and divorcing Tom Green, and showing her rack to David Letterman, and directing pretty decent films. And still being cute.

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What? What, what? You So Geisha T Shirt gets me confused and happy and tired all at the same time. What the hell does it mean? I read Memoirs of a Geisha, and I know they’re sort of high class call girls that also introduce sensual movement, dancing, stories, and, of course, for a few more yen…a happy ending. They are kind of revered in a lot of circles in Japan…definitely moreso than the high class call girl in the United States. Here’s an interesting web page about Geisha culture.

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It’s a classic drink and according to this fine cocktail site, you just need gin, dry vermouth, olive juice, and olives. I guess the dirty comes in the olive juice. Is that right my fine reader? I guess I could look up martini and figure out the difference, and I am going to do this, because I like to go the extra mile for my fine peeps. I see a dry martini recipe that calls for gin, dry vermouth and an olive, so it looks like the olive juice is the distinguishing factor.

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