Random T Shirts

Random T Shirts: If I find myself wondering how I’m going to tag a shirt, it usually winds up in the random tee pile.

Self Parody T-shirt

by on October 19, 2009

self-parody-t-shirtThis shirt is so deep I don’t even know where to begin. It’s almost like traveling in time on your head with a blindfold and a 3-foot Papa Smurf doll.

It’s like nobody knows who you are when you’re wearing this shirt. Is it the real you, a parody of yourself. A parody of Kansas Jayhawks coach Bill Self. Who even knows? And that’s the beauty of this simple, but NOT SO SIMPLE…tee.

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dont-bother-me-im-wasting-potential-teeHey, just love what you’re doin’ when you’re doin’ what you’re doin’. If you came out of the womb in perfect karate kick form and everybody including the fat nurse behind the desk, knew you were something special even while the after birth clung to your weird blotchy, spongy skin, and it was downhill from there. Including disappointment…Daddy is santa claus, mama’s the Easter Bunny, and both have lovers on the side.

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id-tap-that-fish-teeThis is just sneaky funny. What is the compulsion to tap the fish tank, to be acknowledged by a guppie. I wonder if it is telling psychological test. Those that must tap a tank and those that can resist completely annoying our finned friends.

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Let me go through this again. Pull off any crappy pre-made lemonade off the shelf or from the freezer in concentrate form and you will probably find the following ingredients. Ain’t as simple as all that squeeze lemon, mix in water and sugar. No way. To remember this you probably need to print out the following truism and tape it to your wall:

When life hands you: high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, yellow 5, tocopherol and less than 2% natural flavors…MAKE LEMONADE.

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Plain Clothes Cop Tee

by on October 10, 2009

plain-clothes-cop-tshirtGoin’ deep undercover with this shit. Just a tshirt lookin’ like you belong on the street. Settin’ up scores, movin’ in deeper toward the epicenter on the operation. No way a real plain clothes cop wears a plain clothes cop tee. Right?

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be-cool-drop-out-teeObviously, being cool is waaaaaaaaay more important than being educated, unless of course your goin’ to school on the street. Then you cool and educated, but that don’t happen in the traditional classroom. So, as all of the wise K-12 aged kids know, get out of school, because only teaching you how to serve The Man from the day you graduate ’til the day you die.

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Make Love and War Tshirt

by on September 29, 2009

make-love-and-war-tshirtIt’s very important to be a well-rounded individual with varied tastes and a critical mind that allows you to make intelligent choices rather than react knee-jerkingly. If you are this sort of balanced person or aspire to such heights then you must consider purchasing this shirt. It’s full of wisdom and understanding and you would do well to align yourself which such depth of feeling.

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Sailor Trash t-shirt

by on September 28, 2009

sailor-trash-t-shirtShip’s on blocks. Drinkin’ Mickey’s Big Mouths instead of rum. Yelling at the first mate to get ‘ir done. Wife beater. Ratty lawn chair. Laundry hangin’ up all over the place. Lookin’ for pieces of wood to use as furniture in the cabin. Talkin’ about the good ol’ days sailin’ the high seas that never happened. Dreamin’ about the next boat race at the man made lake by the fair grounds.

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im-all-for-being-social-but-this-is-fucking-bullshit-teeYou thought you were going to be having a bang up time. Booze, women, and hearty laughs, but all of a sudden your in a room full of bankers and Wall Street assholes and you’re so mad ‘cuz they’re just laughing at all the shit they’re getting away with and all you want to do is yell.

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i-love-looking-like-a-tourist-tee-shirtThis is so true. Panama hat. I Love Whateva shirt. Crocs. Google map print outs. 48 inch waist. That’s me…no doubt. So, then instead of my Hawaiian shirt at the Louvre I bust out this shirt and, well, the ironic juice trailing behind me attracts all these fly French birds, and I can’t really get into the rest. Let’s just say they were very disappointed when they discovered my France for Dummies book.

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prepare-yourself-competent-display-of-manliness-tshirtBusting out the bbq on the hisouse deck. Once you get good enough on the grill that you feel comfortable with that poofy hat and apron get up on, you know your manliness is oozing through.

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Captain Canada T Shirt

by on September 21, 2009

captain-canada-teeDon’t get all my superhero can kick your superheros ass on me. This isn’t about Captain Canada vs. Captain America. It’s about peace, love, and working together. And, I don’t want to get into the sordid details but being the super hero representation of an entire country can wear you down. And you need uplift. And sometimes the only person you want to be around is someone who understands you.

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