Random T Shirts

Random T Shirts: If I find myself wondering how I’m going to tag a shirt, it usually winds up in the random tee pile.

WTF…is this? Okay all you kiddies, gather around the stage and we’re going to have a little cutesy toddler time. We have a puppy in a suit and a kitty in a tie. They each have brief cases and they’re totally ready to take on any DUI or criminal case you may be wound up in. Killed your wife? The cuties will get you off with an insanity plea. Burned the orphanage to the ground. The little cuddly poos will frame the hard-working school teacher that commuted past the site daily for 9 and a half years. Yessirree. Crack team Rex & Whiskers Attorneys at Awwwwwww are on the job so get the t shirt, and if you spill hot coffee in your lap because you’re trying to sober up after that long night carousing with that cheap hooker, well these little sweetums will sue the fuck out of the corporation that sold the beverage to you. And, win, or you don’t pay.

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Not sure why a statement of truth ends up on a supposedly funny t shirt. Sarcasm truly is the best thing ever. It’s way better than dirty sexy time, and forget about cheese cake, sarcasm takes that cake, too.

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I don’t really get this shirt. The diagrams are weird: I’ll wear what my rib cage – why is it pointing there? Is it funny? The way this is only remotely useful is it’s a conversation starter at a bar. You get a subtle “take off your shirt” message in there on the first impression. Either they’re repulsed or intrigued. You’re zeroing in on the ones you have a chance with quickly. Narrowing done the field with great speed and accuracy, and, boom, the ONE that responds vivaciously, and has a good flirtatious sense of humor, ends up spending the night.

Read more on Let’s Play Shirts Vs. Skins I’ll Wear This T Shirt…


Best Penalty Kick Ever

by on September 28, 2010

This has nothing to do with funny t shirts, but it’s worth a post nonetheless. Not sure how I missed this earlier this month, but it is truly awesome. On a penalty kick the goalie guesses right, but forgets to take into account the phenomenon of back spin. I love the chest pounding celebration as the ball rolls in. Beautiful. Sorry I can’t tell you who’s playing. I think it’s the Moroccan League. Dig it:

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Venture Industries T Shirt

by on September 27, 2010

I’m so confused. This Venture Industries is a fictional umbrella organization that includes an advertising firm called Team Venture. And, these things exist in the The Venture Bros., which seems to be an animated television series on the Cartoon Network’s adult swim.

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This is a hilarious shirt. I love it. The notion of some secret order that’s ruled the Earth for centuries with an mind-blowing mix of dark arts and hyper intelligence. Applying pressure to sensitive points in the entire global economy, making puppets of the most powerful leaders, this group just in the last couple decades has decided to become a little more kinder and gentler…more in touch with the youth that they’ll need to recruit to continue and realize their ultimate plan.

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Cute shirt involving a tyrannosaurus rex and a sound we image him to make, then connecting that sound with love. How could you not be compelled to snatch RAWR means I love you in dinosaur T Shirt. I mean after all the lovely dinosaur things that have happened in our culture in the past 20 years or so, including the Jurassic Park trilogy, turning Triceratops into a non-entity, Night at the Museum, and probably five more pop culture items that I’m totally spacing.

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Cocaine Blows T Shirt

by on September 24, 2010

Todd Barry asked for this shirt, and you know what…he gets it. Is he trying to make a statement about cocaine, like I’ve been down that road, and, no sir, you do not want to go there. It’s bad. All night parties is fun, fun, fun, but after you’ve been up for 37 hours straight and you feel like scratching your eyeballs out and there’s a metallic buzz in your head, then coke isn’t the fluffy nose candy bliss ride you believed it to be as you were cutting it with your library card on that framed picture of your teenage mom with that dog you never met.

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Retro Stereo T Shirt

by on September 24, 2010

This is a cool looking shirt, and it feels old school but not schmarmy, colorful but not gay, eye pleasing but not eat it with soy sauce. And, when you put it all together, you have a very solid potential purchase. So, make up your mind today. Is stereo still important to you? Is it really that old school? Do you have headphones with two ear pieces, and more than one speaker?

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Very sound advice. Just like eat your vegetables, wash your butt, and never ever step on the third base line. I actually looked around to see if this was from some movie I didn’t know because as a funny t shirt it’s fair to middlin’. If it was a line from a movie, some slacker dude with a heart of gold or something, then, yeah, you want to immortalize that line. Never ever forget. But, as a line that just stands on its own with a bit of firey stuff. Not so sure. What do you think? Do you like Don’t Fight Fire with Fire, No One Can Take on 2 Fires T Shirt? Are you going to buy it?

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This is a fine shirt in both humor and art and the cut of the jib. I don’t know what that means but I do know that these thick stick figures really pack a funny wallop as the seen of friend betrayal unfolds. Of course, it’s not as bad as it seems if you know the back story. The friend did say warn the other friend that this would happen on the off chance zombies came a callin’ lookin’ for brains.

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Very silly wordplay mixed with a bit of algebra angst. Man I was terrible at math. Actually, I’m alright adding numbers in my head, but college algebra was mind blowing. Think I scraped by with a C- and that was lucky. Guess I probably would have felt like a kindred spirit writing this letter to math, and probably would have repeated Dear math I’m Not a Therapist Solve Your Own Problems T Shirt during one of those horrible, stressful exams, had such a clever little ditty come to my head in my time in college.

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