Random T Shirts

Random T Shirts: If I find myself wondering how I’m going to tag a shirt, it usually winds up in the random tee pile.

Misdirection galore here. That’s a baseball player taking a mighty cut, aiming for the cheap seats, but probably whiffing super badly because Tim “The Freak” Lincecum just threw a nasty slider. It has nothing to do with a touchdown, which is the name of a score worth six points in the game of American football. That’s why it’s funny. People will come up to you scratch their heads and walk away. Hot women will get it right away and totally want to jump your bones…yeah, even you are a girl. It’s just what happens when you wear the Touchdown Baseball Batter T Shirt.

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Hey, put away the sleeping pills. Stop knotting up that rope with the noose. Take the live ammo out of the gun. You can make it through. Oh wait, I think I’m analyzing this 03687 Days Since the Last Time I Gave a Shit T Shirt all wrong. The person wearing this isn’t suicidally depressed. This person is telling others that he’s at the point where this life is pretty much just a crapshoot of random events and when you die, you get burned to a crisp or buried six feet deep, so in the meantime, why really get all wound up about stuff.

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This is an acceptable shirt offering from T Shirt Hell. Yes, it has the “F” word but I don’t have a problem with that, as long as it’s not worn in front of children. In fact, I love the “F” word in all its usage cases and rich variety of tenses and parts of speech. Do you love the “F” word. Actually, I guess a more important question is do you like the I Fucking Love to Cuddle T Shirt, which gains its humorous power from the juxtaposition of a sweet warm fuzzy thing like cuddling with the word fucking. That’s the joke and it’s effective.

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Apparently the dude was cheating for years and years and his mistress went to a vigil the same day the wife did, and the mistress was calling out his name, so she figured out something was funny. Though glad that he’s alive and well, she’s totally over him: Here’s how The Sun reported it:

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Not sure if I can get behind this whole vulgarization of the classic Nutcracker Suite. One way you look at this Tshirt and you have this soldier bustin’ enemy nuts, or a guard bustin’ prisoners nuts, or law enforcement bustin’ criminals nuts. And, the other way you look at it, you have this stiff dude bustin’ a nut on dame (if you know what I mean).

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Pop A Smurf T Shirt

by on October 15, 2010

Wordplay alert. Of course, this is just gross. Yeah, we get it. Curmudgeonly people don’t like sickly sweet cartoon characters, so envisioning them blowing each others brains out brings a chuckle. Ha Ha.

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This is an often overlooked truism. Actually, it’s sad really, how this information is buried in unread scientific and medical journals. This could really help a lot of young people, who are considering growing a mustache, or even those that are considering hanging out, befriending, dating, or even fornicating with those that have moustaches. They are not to be trifled with. That are indeed the most important bodily hair.

Read more on With Great Moustache Comes Great Responsibility T Shirt…

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Yes on Prop 19 T Shirt

by on October 13, 2010

Gotta vote for the weed ya know. Legalize it. It’s so damn obvious I can’t even believe it’s been illegal for this long. Have we learned nothing from prohibition. The only reason Prop 19 has a chance is that California is desperate for revenue. Otherwise, it would be business as usual with the corrections industry alive and well. What happens when 42% of your criminals are no longer criminals. Gonna be some layoffs at the local prison (BTW: I made up that 42% number, but it is high…so to speak).

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The only redeeming factor in this truly horrible and offensive shirt is that the group it discriminates against doesn’t know that it is, because they can’t read it. Other than that, no qualities worthy of this Fuck the Color Blind T Shirt existing on this great green earth.

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Legalize Reason T Shirt

by on October 12, 2010

Nobody is making any sense any more. Everybody has an agenda, and will work toward it no matter the consequences…first thing to go is reason, when the only truth is a rigid value system, or slavish devotion to special interests, and that, my friend, does not make a healthy political system. That is where we are right now, and if reason were legal more people might just express this opinion. But, since you get imprisoned in the public opinion prison if you speak anything remotely close to the truth, then the loudest voices out there are those of wingnuts (I.e. Glen Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Gael Garcia Bernal – just kidding, I don’t know one thing that Bernal thinks, just thought it would mix things up to get his name in there with the usual suspects…that’s reasonable. Right?)

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Winnie the Pooh is a pimp, his payment is honey. He speaks in ebonics. He wears pimp purple, and a big P for Pooh belt buckle. A couple of concerning things: One, Is that Tigger fur he’s wearing – did Winnie really fall of the deep end that far and kill his buddy just for style. Two, speaking to women like that is totally offensive. Owning them and using them to sell their bodies for a money is cool, but that language, come on Pimp Pooh.

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Can’t we all get along. Instead of the drivers going insane because the pedestrians are taking too long to cross the road, and the pedestrians hating the bicyclists, because they’re way faster and still not polluting, and the bicyclists wary of the Pachycephalosaurus, because they’re one scary ass dinosaur/shrubbery, and, of course, to complete the circle Pachycephalosarus hate cars, because they have very bad motion perception and can’t tell how fast they’re going, so they’re losing great numbers as road kill.

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