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Man, this is tough news to break to the kids. It comes out in the summer. You tell ’em. Yeah he’s getting insulin shots…Mrs. Claus or his favorite elf jams that big needle in his ass. He’s on the caveman diet (except he’s always cheating). And, he hopes to have all of his limbs and eyesight when Xmas rolls around so he can deliver the goods. But, it’s not a sure thing. Yep, it’s true. Kids like you did it too him. It’s not like he can take a pass on all those damn cookies, eggnog, and fudge. He’s gotta pack it down to look grateful. Horrible for a guy, especially at his age. I’m trying to warn you, so you’ll be emotionally prepared either way. Now, what was it you wanted from Santa so I can deliver the message.
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This is very funny. You go back home for the holidays and your mom still has that way about her. Not quite approving but smothering all at the same time. And as she pulls your check into her ample saggy breasts and pats your head, and mutters shit about you finding a good woman some day, and reaching your true potential some day…you get fed up wiggle out of her grasp and scream Christ, Ma. Your little nieces start to cry. Your uncle is laughing. Your sister rolls her eyes.
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Remember the real reason for the season, and if that’s too hard because of all the goddamned commercialism and the Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays and asshole kids demanding all the bullshit they saw on Youtube, then we need to take a little more forceful action, like praying to Jesus to beat Santa down with a baseball bat. Amen.
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Isn’t there a little something in all of us that still wants to believe in Santa Claus. The magic and mystique. Oh wait, no I don’t really want to believe in that at all. Nor do I want to be a kid again with wide-eyed wonder. I prefer knowing a couple of things although maybe being this cynical isn’t so super good for my mental health. Wait, this is a cute shirt about wanting to believe in Santa and I went off the rails and started talking about psychology. Ah, it’s all the same. Merry Christmas!
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Get This Tee From 6 Dollar Shirts
Very cool day of the dead sugar skull type imagery here. A little play on words or as I like to call it, wordplay, with ace of the dead instead of day of the dead. You have the spade wear you consider your third eye to be. Roses. Snakes or really greasy locks of hair. And, simply just a good lookin’ shirt, especially for this time of year.
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