Food T Shirts Reviewed

Food T Shirts: Probably 65% bacon in this food shirt roundup, but there’s other stuff. Pancakes, fruit, meat, etc.

I do not know who this dude is but he’s ’bout ready to chomp on an apple, and in my book that’s not evil at all. But, I guess if you think pieces of fruit are sentient beings or that apples have feelings or at least apple trees, then maybe the sentiment on this Not Evil Just Hungry T Shirt clashes with your eating ideology. Of course, you’re killing 100,000s of micro-organisms as you sit there mouth breathing and reading this with your lips moving.

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This is funny. Someone got all done up for Easter Sunday, and the puritanical stick in the mud with no flava tells her she looks like a hussy. That’s a life defining moment. Either she stands up and tells the white egg off and walks out never to be seen again. Or she wilts, crys, smears the coloring, and becomes a beaten person with barely registering life force. I’m anxious to see what happens, except that this You Look Like a Hussy T Shirt is a snap shot in time, and doesn’t tell the entire narrative.

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This polar bear is enjoying a cheese burger if I’m not mistaken and that makes him an omnivore, because that’s both meat and vegetable going on right there. Of course, this I’m An Om Nom Nom Ivore T Shirt has a second layer and that’s the whole nom nom nom phenomenon that is supposed to represent eating vigorously with much gusto. It certainly fits in this instance, because that burger is damn tasty even if his mom made it.

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Olive You T Shirt

by on April 4, 2011

Cute little word/image play going on here. But, the trouble I see is this: the only reason anybody wears any of these kooky shirts is as an ice breaker in social situations. It’s something to talk about. And, if you bust out with the Olive You T Shirt, which is a wordplay on I Love You in case you hadn’t figured that out, then you’re going to scare people off or attract a bunch of relationship hungry freaks. You may argue…no, no, no, I’m actually going to give this shirt from Snorg Tees to my significant other. And, again, I’m going to have to challenge your methodology. Yeah, when she opens the box and it’s these cute olives with the snuggly message you may get laid a couple of times or at least a firm spooning, but after that she’s wearing that shirt to class, to the bar on girl’s night out, to work out…and she’s sending this message to all the dudes within a 25 foot radius.

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It’s a classic drink and according to this fine cocktail site, you just need gin, dry vermouth, olive juice, and olives. I guess the dirty comes in the olive juice. Is that right my fine reader? I guess I could look up martini and figure out the difference, and I am going to do this, because I like to go the extra mile for my fine peeps. I see a dry martini recipe that calls for gin, dry vermouth and an olive, so it looks like the olive juice is the distinguishing factor.

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Apparently, PB&J time is 12:17 because that’s what it shows on this sandwich clock. Also, that’s some weird colored jelly, like it’s an off brand or it’s a weird fruit like passion fruit or something. However, you still have to give this It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time T Shirt some respect because the food has stood the test of time and has been a favorite throughout the generations.

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I just posted a review of Polly & Crackers, a seriously interesting player in the funny t shirt business. Take your time with this site. At first it looks like a bunch of poorly designed, super weird stuff, but it totally grows on you, and you see there’s a method to the mad randomness.

It’s like a band you don’t think you like at first, but you know there’s something there, so you keep listening, and the layers start to reveal themselves and all of a sudden their album is one of your favorites and in constant rotation on the iPod. In fact, I think I’m in danger of becoming obsessed. Proceed at your own risk. I mean even that logo grows on you. Polly is a fine clean font. Crackers is jacked. And that little girl is cussing like a sailor.

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This is funny. It’s a Zombie Food Pyramid T Shirt and all it is brains. A varied diet is overrated anyway. If a certain food is best for your blood type and cultural heritage, eat it…a lot. Brains happen to be the perfect food for zombies so they should eat it every chance they get. It’s good for them. Forget being a foodie and trying to “broaden your horizons” and “try new things” and get all the colors of the rainbow in your diet. Just eat what’s best for you. Look dogs eat the same kibble their entire lives with an occasional heal of bread, or scrambled eggs that were left on the table since breakfast. And they’re good. Super healthy and live to be like 900 in dog years. Yep. Every one of them. Ever since dogs were invented, they have lived into their 900s. No exception. If you think your dog died early in its life in that you’re wrong. The humane society lied to you about its age.

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Diamond Burger T Shirt

by on March 14, 2011

I have no idea why, but this Diamond Burger T Shirt is very pleasing to me. I think hamburgers are an institution in this country and carry the weight of being a primary source of sustenance for like a century. Wait, how long have hamburgers in this form been around. Might need seem Googlizing.

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The caption below the frame art piece on this black shirt says “A black cat eating licorice at midnight.” So, without the aid of a flame or light you really can’t see the cat or the licorice (guess we’re talking black licorice…maybe someone spilled a small pile of those addicting Panda licorice chunks on the porch, and the cat found them, and has a strange prediliction for anise seed or fennel or whatever the prominent flavor in black licorice is…I get those two mixed up…whatever the case it is not some crappy Twizzler or Red Vine, because you would see that on this shirt, and that’s not happening).

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Bar Fight T Shirt

by on March 9, 2011

I’m going to try to give you a play-by-play on what’s happening on this Bar Fight T Shirt. Somehow, everything on the liquor shelf at the neighborhood bar has become pissed. Some kind of misunderstanding. Somebody is sleeping with someone they shouldn’t or something. Anyway, the flask or fifth got ahold of a cork screw and he’s menacing the bottle of wine, who happens to grabbing the little sword sticks with olives from the martini to protect himself. Meanwhile, the martini has the beer in a headlock and is popping open his top with a bottle opener. The beer has legs like the flask, but doesn’t have arms, so the only real way to get out of this situation is to run, and it looks like it’s too late for that. The flask has both arms and legs, so that’s going to be hard to deal with. The wine bottle and martini glass have arms so there next on the list in terms of odds of winning this brawl. Beer is going to lose. No doubt. Now, I’m not sure if there is any teaming up here or if it’s everybody for themselves.

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This is pure goofiness. Skater piece of pizza with cool shades catching air while eating more pizza. Isn’t that like cannabalism and isn’t that bad. I guess that’s where the extreme comes in and maybe it’s a harbinger of things to come. Maybe the X games keep escalating until the ultimate goal is kill or die or stay alive against all odds and then eat your opponents that didn’t fair quite as well. I can just imagine all of that beautiful red blood staining the glassy ice and white snow. God that was creepy morbid, but that’s what pops into mind when looking at this Radically Extreme Pizza T Shirt. It’s over the top. Takes it too the next level. It has been to more there’s and done more that’s than green, sugary, caffeine-packed soda.

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