Five Finger Tees Reviewed

Five Finger Tees: They’re a steal and the designs are cool, and I review them as they release new ones each week.

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If by greatest you mean, greatest evil force of all time that changed his ways at the end, then I can accept this premise. Otherwise, I’m thinking he was more like a deadbeat dad. Never around. Probably didn’t send child support. Tried to kill the kids whenever they came to visit. On balance not such a great father.

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Cops Love Me T Shirt

by on September 1, 2012

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Not sure what the hell this design is all about. I guess maybe if you get pulled over and you have this shirt on, you are providing social proof, which is powerful persuasion, that cops love you, so they should let you off with a warning driving 72 in a 25 MPH zone and for running over that pedestrian, who was, frankly, pretty ugly.

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See what they did there? I love cats…about 70 trillion people on the Internet agree. But wait, there’s a twist. This tee is talking about eating cats and finding them delicious, but the portion is too much. Shouldn’t be too big of a deal. That’s why we modern people have electric refridgeration. Works pretty great. And Pyrex with lids too.

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Fox Mulder always wanted to believe in all that supernatural-seeming stuff, he and Dana Scully were running into each episode of the X Files. Instead, his material brain and soul crushing logic disabled his capacity for faith and some sort of metaphysical epiphany.

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Poor creature is only expressing love in the only way it really knows how, yet the humans are taking it all wrong, thinking the Facehugger is trying to sophicate them or worse. Impregnate them. Silly humans. These are face hugs of pure love.

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Of course, this is a classic line from the classic movie Jaws. Dude sees the huge shark for the first time and says to his pal, who’s helping him hunt the dangerous predator down that he’ll need a larger vessel, because this shark will probably just eat the old rickety (in boat terms what’s the equivalent of a jalopy?) tub.

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Sir Hunt a Lot sang this. He’s from the rural streets of Northern Wisconsin. They love their deer hunting up there. Enough to create a whole culture of folk songs around them.

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Oscorp Industries, obviously, is the animal genetics place in The Amazing Spiderman. That’s why you want this shirt from Five Finger Tees.

That and this awesome video:

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These two things often go hand-in-hand. Vegetarianism and pot smoking. In I think marijuana is a prerequisite of being a card-carrying vegetarian. Or maybe calling yourself a vegetarian is how the kids let people know they’re in the market for a dime bag. I haven’t been on the street level for a while, so I don’t know the lingo. Either way, get this shirt because you love veggies and weed. Yay!

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It’s good to let people know that you’re a good drinking companion. People at the bar see that, they just may buy you a drink to see if you live up to your shirt. Five Finger Tees knows what’s going on when it comes to getting free drinks and becoming the most beloved person at the bar. Think of Norm. Am I right?

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You know the scene. It’s unforgettable. Whammy Burger Michael Douglas. Angry white man. Intense. Actually, I have never seen the movie so let me go grab a peak of the Youtube clip and get back to you.

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I hate the Creeper, so why would I wear him on my shirt. Just kidding. I totally get it. Sometimes it’s appropriate to your mood to be the bad guy. Cool.

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