Five Finger Tees Reviewed

Five Finger Tees: They’re a steal and the designs are cool, and I review them as they release new ones each week.

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Remember that episode of Family Guy, where Herbert asked for an Ice Cream truck because he’s a pervert. And there was rudeness and hilarity and you shook your head and said that crazy family. Well, of course, this shirt is in honor of that one scene in that one episode.

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Ah, Edward Scissorhands. One of Johnny Depp’s most beloved roles. Good stuff. Who doesn’t want to be on Team Edward? Nobody, that’s who. Watch the clip of this movie with the fantastically weird premise, but what do you expect from Tim Burton. Wait, have I ever seen this movie? I don’t think I have. But, I have an excuse. I was born in a barn and was raised by chickens.

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I’ve seen this design in gold, and this is a very nice variation in grey and black. Of course, this is the football team playing in the latest Batman movie, when the bad guy decides to blow up the entire field. Now, that kind of thing would make professional football just a bit more interesting. I mean, they’d have to figure out how to it without hurting anybody too bad. The season starts tonight I think, so might be too late for this season. Maybe they could blow the shit out of the Super Bowl.

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This here is a devious little slight of hand. You know there’s that segment of the Christian population that considers itself hardcore. They’re tough for Christ. They kick ass and take names for Jesus. They don’t mess around. They’ll jog up to you while whooping it up for the Lord because they’ll see the large lettering on your new shirt.

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They actually were wearing this shirt in the Bro-a-Palooza episode of Scrubs, so you can feel like total hot stuff while you wear you own. Maybe you can even lie and say that Zach Braff and Donald Faison signed the inside of the shirt for you, but you can’t show the signature because that would be awkward. In fact, you probably shouldn’t even be wearing the shirt. It should be behind glass to preserve the pen ink and the value of the collectible, but you love the concept so much you have to put it on.

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There are a few variations of this shirt on the Internet, but this is a very nice version. And, the concept is very strong. A bear with antlers. Now, I’m sure it took a lot of beer drinking on both the bear’s part and the deer’s part in order to get to the point where they would resolve their innate animosity toward each other, and come together in sexual union. In these cases I always wonder which species was the mother.

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I feel like this dude should not be smiling. Yes, whatever the joke was it made him laugh hysterically, which makes you smile, but if, during those paroxysms of hilarity, your ass falls off, I think you’re no longer smiling. You’re in pain. I mean look at the chunk that fell off here. The ass goes pretty deep. That hurts. But, maybe the dude’s high.

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Hey, this shirt is incomplete. I’m going to have to contact Five Finger Tees support and let them know one of their shirts is defective. Their screenprinter must have had trouble with ordered lists. Just kidding. I totally know there’s a world-wide shortage of ink and all shirt shops have to cut back.

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Michael Myers was taken to Smith’s Grove Sanitarium after killing his sister Judith. Don’t believe me. It’s all right here in this Halloween the movie wiki. So, what you’re getting when you wear this shirt is public recognition that you like horror films, specifically, the Halloween franchise.

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Every time I see something Harry Potter I get a little nostalgic, and misty-eyed about the whole series, including books and movies, being finished. Quite an amazing run for JK Rowling and company. If you feel the same, you can always get this tee to remember all the good fictional memories.

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Jack Rabbit Slims T Shirt

by on September 2, 2012

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Ah, the dance scene at Jack Rabbit Slims in Pulp Fiction. Very excellent. Great song. Check out the video below. The innocent start of a very eventful evening for Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace, which included a needed stabbed in the heart of Mia to revive her from a drug overdose.

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For a limited time only. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He’s an alcoholic and rarely sober, but if the sloppy, offensive, smelly drunk you see in front of you is not quite your style, there is the sober version that might be more to your liking, especially if you at least like the look of him. Try on the sober version, he might feel just right. Then you can totally change his ways. Happens all the time…I swear.

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