Five Finger Tees Reviewed

Five Finger Tees: They’re a steal and the designs are cool, and I review them as they release new ones each week.

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Man, this wacky “I’m riding a white horse” dance is sweeping the world. Who knew a middle-aged South Korean could blow up on the strength of a pop song and signature dance. It’s CRAZY. Of course, this is yet another play on the Keep Calm and Carry On poster, but, hey, if it works you gotta keep going with it.

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The funny thing is that Sheldon’s mother had him tested, because he shows definite signs of being a bit crazy. And, that he gets stomping mad because people are calling him crazy, when he totally has proof. Goofy brilliant character. Excellent shirt to wear around to make sure people know you’re not crazy or that you watch the show.

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Not a bad option for wearing on Halloween, especially if you’re not really into dressing in costume. Just put on this t-shirt, so at least you look like you put some thought into it. Bonus: you look super edgy with the word “ass” on your shirt.

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Zombie Hunters T Shirt

by on September 30, 2012

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Inflicting headshots from sea to shining sea. Marc Maron summed it up nicely with the zombie stuff. I’ve never really been into it, but Halloween’s coming up and it’s gonna be all zombies, skulls, vampires, ghosts, witches, and bankers from now ’til the big night. To do my job properly I must venture into zombieland. Anyways, Maron tweeted that everybody should stop with the zombie nonsense, then he realized that the world is in chaos, and to have scary shit that you can manage is a way to deal with it. Good point. So, I give you this fine design.

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Halloween is in a month, so why not get started early getting all the Halloween-related gear you can, such as this very sophisticated pumpkin shirt. This shirt is best worn if you’re a male, because that’s extra funny. It’s actually not that funny otherwise. But, I guess, if you’re a woman and in the right company this design will do…like alone in the dark.

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Nice little twist on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre deal. This youngest kid of Leatherface’s cannibal family, had to get out of that horrid lifestyle, but he had little means. He looked around, saw the chainsaw and decided to start a tree removal business. Too bad he inherited his father’s shitty skin. Bad genes.

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Corn Star T Shirt

by on September 27, 2012

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Dude’s got a turtleneck, a dark beard, and light hair. And, he loves the corn on the cob. Definitely a corn star. However, unlike the porn star who has a slight tinge of guilt and self loathing in the morning, this dude is triumphant examining, closely, his bowel movement.

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Since Breaking Bad is the most popular television show on the planet, you gotta have at least one design a week that references it. Here is this weeks’ offering. Not bad. It’s like the Pepboys except it’s the boys on the show that crank out meth, Jesse, Walt, and I don’t know, because I’m only on Season 2. Don’t tell me what happens!

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Motorcycle & Auto Repair from Charming, CA. I love that there’s a place called Charming. Is that real or a ficitional television conceit. I could figure that out in 37 seconds on the Internet, but I choose to let the question linger unresolved. Gives this post a little metaphysical tension, which will cause people to be more engaged, like they are with the show Sons of Anarchy, which has no appeal for me, but it seems to be a big hit, so, of course, when I unearthed this shirt I had to share.

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I guess under all the packaging it’s one naked person underneath. If we’re just talking about the shirt, generally people are wearing more than just the shirt because usually just a t-shirt doesn’t appropriately cover up everything that needs covering. But, the shirt makes sense if you consider all the clothes as the packaging with the contents being your body, which, when it doesn’t have clothes, is considered naked.

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Orgasm Donor T Shirt

by on September 16, 2012

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This is a sure winner with the ladies at the bar or party. Wear this one every chance you get, and every semi-available woman in your vicinity will feel a tingle in their thighs. By the end of the night, if you play your cards right (or even just half right), you should have your choice from among all the 7s and higher in the room. All that power from a seemingly innocuous little shirt design.

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It’s the vamp bar in True Blood. Yes! Just the shirt I was looking for. How about you? I’m totally wearing this to work on casual Fridays. It…is…going…to…blow…some…minds and probably get me laid, or least get some steamy looks in the elevator. Is that worth the measly price of the shirt? Why yes, I think it is.

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