Five Finger Tees Reviewed

Five Finger Tees: They’re a steal and the designs are cool, and I review them as they release new ones each week.

Of course, if you’re a fan of the movie Uncle Buck or the late great comedy actor John Candy, you will enjoy the Hi I’m Buck Melanoma Molly Russell’s Wart T shirt, because it will bring back all of the special memories you had watching the movie. Perhaps you’re old enough to have watched it in the theater in 1989, or maybe you picked it up later and watched it on your couch with microwave popcorn and cookies and cream ice cream. Whatever, if you have feelings for the film, you’ll want to own the shirt. That’s a fact.

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You can have all your pop culture references, your nerdy phraseology, your offensive twists on holidays, your alcohol celebrations. For my money, scatological humor is the best your can buy. I’m 40 and I absolutely love the I Pooped Today T Shirt. And that might seem weird. You’d think 4-15 might be the demographic for this messaging and slight chance that senior citizens might also appreciate it because generally evacuating the bowels becomes more of an issue the older you get and the more clogged up the plumbing becomes.

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Nice little twist on the What Would Jesus Do. You expect it to say What Would Charlie Sheen Do, but it throws a curveball and says What Wouldn’t Charlie Do, because as a man with Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA, he seems to be game for anything. That’s why you need to celebrate the fine art of the celebrity melt down and psychic break with this WWCD What Wouldn’t Charlie Do T Shirt.

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If you have seen the funny zombie movie, Shaun of the Dead, you know that the Winchester Tavern in Crouch End London is headquarters for Shaun. I, of course, have not seen the movie, because even as a spoof, I can’t stand to see blood, guts, and gore. Makes me quesy and gives me bad dreams and cry like a four-year-old. But, that’s not to say you don’t love the movie, because you do, and you’re clamouring for this Winchester Tavern T Shirt. Right?

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Great time to feature this Get To Da Choppa T Shirt, what with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s dirty laundry being aired recently. A love child with a mistress. And, Maria Shriver, she of the inhuman cheek bones, filing for divorce. Dude’s gotta re-invent himself. But, I have to say, I kind of believe he’s going to be able to do it.

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Don’t believe the hype on the whole pimping ain’t easy. Yeah, you have to slap people around. Yeah you have to make sure your employees get paid and there’s no legal channels you can go through to make sure it happens, but really, it’s not you that has to be smothered by greasy, fat, hairy horny dudes. You just have to come in after the deed and collect a large percentage of the proceeds.

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Hey pimp. You know you like this I’m Not a Landscaper I Just Like Working with Hoes T Shirt, because it’s another wordplay image play tee that captures the imagination of the hard working, law abiding pimps plying their craft across this great land of ours.

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I can not lie, when I get in line and make my way to pay, it is inevitable that the person behind the counter checks me out. Men and women. Can’t help it. I have money. I’m ready to make a transaction of goods for fiat currency. It’s a win-win. And, then when they see that I like sour kraut it turns them on to distraction, because they know I’m wild.

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Wordplay alert. Comin’ at you hot and heavy. Actually, it’s cool and breezy because it’s a fan. See there’s a metal fan on the shirt, but when someone wears the I’m a Huge Metal Fan T Shirt, the first thing you think of is “oh yeah, speed, death, heavy, old school.” And, I’m sure they’ll have an answer and will follow up with some of their favorites: Metallica, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath.

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Hey, you have to stand up for something. You have to band together for a cause some time. Why not come together with others that cannot spell. Sounds like a reasonable reason to whip up a movement. First thing you do is purchase the Bad Spellers of the World Untie T Shirt.

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Michael Myers is after you in that absolutely creepy mask. Of course, I feel like masks like that would really inhibit the ability to kill effectively and effeciently, but I might be wrong. Never tried it.

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Quint probably should have punched Jaws in the nose. I hear that’s all you have to do with sharks. Punch them in the nose, and they say “ow, why’d you do that, and swim off, to search for more ameneable prey.”

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