Drug T Shirts: Yay for drugs!

Drug T Shirts: Caffeine, marijuana, and the nasty stuff are featured on these mind-altering tees.

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Fortune Favors the Brave (FFTB) is a company from Scotland, so reserve judgment on this Sex, Drugs and Sausage Rolls T Shirt. I think the equivalent food in the United States would be some kind of sausage bisquit with the convenience of a corn dog. Again, don’t hold this odd food choice against them, they’re from Scotland for God’s sake.

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Wordplay here. Nice image of a plate of pasta with marinara sauce. Sometimes I’m in a goofy mood and like a silly shirt that gives a shout out to marijuana and pasta. Tshirt Laundry likes the 420 and getting the munchies.

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Guess the zombie face eating dude in Miami was high on bath salts — street name for some over the counter drugs that fuck you up. Rudy Eugene was at a music festival, took the salts and went nuts, then got shot. I was looking at that guy’s face and he looked like a normal dude, so it makes sense it was a one-time freak out on some potent chemical shit.

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Something about that pot of coffee is sexy. Not sure what it is. The curves of the handle. The roundness pot. Something gets me with this design, and I don’t even drink the stuff…but I should. Everybody that is successful at life drinks coffee. It’s the perfect drug, except that I think I’d be jittery and spastic, but maybe that’s just a noobie faze.

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Decaf T Shirt

by on May 23, 2012

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Hey you crazy coffee fiend. Actually, if you’re a decaf person, then I don’t know what to say. What’s the point? Drink some water and get on with your day. I just never got into the coffee thing, which is probably why I’m living in my mother’s basement at age 41 and no one is reading this. Maybe I need to grow up and drink some coffee and get ahead in life. Of course, I don’t think Decaf has that effect. I think I’m still in the basement even after six months of decaf.

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Available in Men's and Women's Sizes and Styles.

Only hardcore coffee drinkers really understand what this I’m Java Whipped T Shirt really means. Basically, once you hit a certain point of caffeine consumption, you have to sort of organize your life around the cuppa joes. Let’s see. Start at 7:30. That’ll get me to 10:30…maybe, unless I stayed up way too late to watch the Nuggets destroy the Lakers. Then after lunch I’ll need a little pick me up, because eating makes me sleepy. And what about the 2:30 doldrums.

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Laughter indeed is the best medicine if moroseness is what ails you, otherwise I’m thinking cocaine and cough syrup do a little bit better job of medicating most other physiological and psychological issues. But, don’t tell your mom I said that. She won’t understand and you’ll be banned from my site, which would be terrible for you, because this is where you go to get all the tried and true wisdom. I should rename this thing life lessons groove.

Read more on Laughter is the Best Medicine Ha Ha Pills T Shirt from Snorg Tees…


Available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes.

I love the direction Headline Shirts is going with this I’d Like to Buy Some Drugs T Shirt. It’s supra funny, because the phrasing sounds so corny and stilted. It’s a perfect way to portray a narc or mole at a party. They’re trying to find the dealer. They’re trying to fit in. They’re asking around. One tip to make it seem more natural man with the wire on his chest: ask for the drug you’d like to buy by name, preferably the street name. Heroin = horse. Marijuana = fun grass. Cocaine = booger sugar.

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Hey, marijuana is natural. The Bible talks about wine all the time. What’s the difference? Nothing. Both are mind altering and impairing. Probably better to drive high than to drive drunk. Pot heads are generally mellow, whereas alcoholics are oftentimes belligerent. So, yeah, why shouldn’t Jesus tell the stoner on the couch that his dad made the weed. He should be proud.

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It’s the poster child for NORML broadening his horizons and standing up for rights other than the right to legally smoke marijuana wherever and whenever you please. Good for him. It’s tough to try new things in life, when you have a comfortable routine that includes wake & bake and going to the ATM to pull out the maximum daily allowance from the Trust Fund.

Read more on Do Not Remove Tag Legalize It T Shirt from T Shirt Hell…


You have the Angry Birds still raging across the world. It’s the biggest thing ever basically, so, of course, T Shirt Hell comes up with the perfect little satire of the phenomenon with this Mellow Birds T Shirt. These birds aren’t angry at all, because they’re high. No pigs to hate, because they’re high.

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Available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes

This is one of those misdirection t-shirts that’s done really well. Headline Shirts dropped the maple leaf and color from the Canadian flag and added the 420 below, so now there’s crazy confusion. Is that a pot leaf? I think Canada was known for drinking much beer, not smoking pot? Will that red color exaggerate my hard nipples?

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