Deez Teez: No matter how you spell it with two z’s, Deez Tees, or even Dees Teez

Deez Teez: Recently upped their game with a slick website and a ton of officially licensed shirts from all your favorite pop culture.

Only the winners survive. This isn’t the Adonis DNA training camp t shirt. This is the Tiger Blood Training Camp T Shirt. You have to bring your A game just to make it into the camp. Sheen is going to be there with his intense focus, and he’ll be watching every entrant, and if you don’t measure up, if your not buzzing on a higher frequency then you are not going to make it. Sheen is going to have one of his girlfriends, or Sean Penn, or Colin Farrel or Mel Gibson, escort you off the premises. Then where will you be. With all of the other schlubs that are not winning and just living vicariously through the real winners.

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Bar Fight T Shirt

by on March 9, 2011

I’m going to try to give you a play-by-play on what’s happening on this Bar Fight T Shirt. Somehow, everything on the liquor shelf at the neighborhood bar has become pissed. Some kind of misunderstanding. Somebody is sleeping with someone they shouldn’t or something. Anyway, the flask or fifth got ahold of a cork screw and he’s menacing the bottle of wine, who happens to grabbing the little sword sticks with olives from the martini to protect himself. Meanwhile, the martini has the beer in a headlock and is popping open his top with a bottle opener. The beer has legs like the flask, but doesn’t have arms, so the only real way to get out of this situation is to run, and it looks like it’s too late for that. The flask has both arms and legs, so that’s going to be hard to deal with. The wine bottle and martini glass have arms so there next on the list in terms of odds of winning this brawl. Beer is going to lose. No doubt. Now, I’m not sure if there is any teaming up here or if it’s everybody for themselves.

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This is kind of funny. It’s nice to show the ladies in the bar where you stand right from the start. If you can convey that you are a gentle man, but open to getting a little rough in the sack if that’s what is needed, then you’re going to score massive bonus points. A woman doesn’t want a limp rag for a man, but she also doesn’t want a bulldozer that has no romantic skills whatsoever. You have to prove you well-rounded and balanced and this I’m a Lover Not a Fighter Unless You Like It Rough T Shirt is a great start.

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Sheen has quite a team developing. I think people are half celebrating that he’s gone bat shit crazy and is willing to display that in its full glory on TV, and half celebrating that he’s opening the curtain a true rock star party lifestyle replete with drugs and broads. Whatever it is, it’s compelling and has captured the public imagination. Some people say they won’t feed off this any more because it’s taking advantage of a mental illness. Others say, this is a public figure and he’s putting himself out there, so have at it. I think I’m probably in the second camp, especially since I think Charlie has pumped a little gas into the thing, meaning he’s hamming it up for the camera.

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I like how they switched up the rhythm on this one. Usually, it’s kiss my Irish ass or kiss my white ass, or kiss my big fat hairy ass, but you usually don’t get a kiss my ass it’s Jewish. I mean you have the ass descriptor or adjective, as Mrs. Peters liked to call them, before the ass. So, this Kiss My Ass It’s Irish T Shirt is a nice change of pace. Are you in agreement with me on this?

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Deez Teez $9.95 Shirt Sale

by on February 27, 2011

You really probably should take advantage of this sweeeeeeet deal on quality funny t shirts. Deez Teez is offering their entire catalog for sale. Only $9.95 per t shirt, which is an absolutely spectacular deal. The only catch is that you have to hurry up and take advantage, because the sale ends on Wednesday, March 2.

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If you have the skills let them know. If you have done the work, and put in the reps, and reached your goals, and surpassed your potential as a heavy duty, serious-ass drinker, then you need to let everyone know, as you’re walking into the party or the bar, what they are dealing with. It’s like a pro basketball player walking onto a playground to for some pick up. He has to let people know he plays for the Twolves. You know what I mean. Millicic can’t just jump on the court and destroy everybody and not tell ’em what’s up. Same thing with top notch drinkers.

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Not sure where this one is exactly coming from, but it could be funny in the right context. First, girlfriends that have had a nasty fight. Boom. When you are ready to let bygones be bygones, pull on this Let’s Hug It Out Bitch T Shirt and meet them some place. It’s like taking the temperature of the other person. If they’re still really pissed they’re not going to like it and will probably throw a drink in your face, but that would probably happen anyway. If they’re sort of pissed, this shirt will probably break through and make them smile and pave the way for reconciliation. If they’re not pissed you’ll have a really good laugh, and certainly will hug it out and all will be right with the world.

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My thought is who cares about the Super Bowl, let’s do a shirt that has a little wordplay involving beer and baseball. Actually, I don’t care about the baseball either, but that really doesn’t matter either. Everybody knows what a relief pitcher is and everybody has been at the bar and needed another pitcher, so this Bring in the Relief Pitcher T Shirt is very relevant, and I’m sure much in demand.

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This is a funny shirt. First of all, 2012 looks like it’s going out with a bang, but that doesn’t even have the elegance and grace of a mushroom cloud. It’s more percussive and violent and ugly. Not sure why people are all standing around at Ground Zero on this bombing. Or maybe it’s New Year’s Eve and the Big Apple drops and bango, it’s the end of the East coast and that triggers more explosives across the country and then the world and it’s all gone. I was figuring on a more subtle sort of financial meltdown, where it slowly begins to dawn on people that Wall Street has completely destroyed everything and that the government was complicit, not putting anyone in jail, not hanging any of the dirty thieves from lamp posts, not burying Ben Bernanke alive up to his neck and slathering honey on his face.

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This is the other shirt in the two shirt series commemorating that cinematic masterpiece Dude Where’s My Car. If you missed yesterday’s installment, this is the tattoo Seann (really…two n’s) William Scott gets playing Chester Greenburg in the movie. I actually have not seen this film…I know, I know…inexcusable and shame on me. It won’t happen again, but how do they go into a tattoo shop and not know what they are getting? Must have been some crazy hijinx because that’s what always happens in those two stupid buddy movies. Right?

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Nice mock tattoo in honor of the Dude Where’s My Car scene where they get tattoos, and Ashton Kutcher asks Seann William Scott what his says and Scott says “Dude, what’s mine say.” And Kutcher says “Sweet, what’s mine say,” and they keep doing this Who’s on First routine for a while, because you see the tattoos actually do say Dude and Sweet.

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