Damn. Video games have been around a long time. Nintendo’s been around for quite a while. If you’re old enough to remember when the original Nintendo came out, then you’re too old to be playing video games, and that’s awesome, because you’re probably not a banker or politician or some form of corporate douche, and in my book that makes you pretty cool, and I don’t even know you. I have the high standards your mama told you about.
Nintendo
The spread shot was the ultimate weapon in the NES version of Contra. Do you remember all you older gamer geeks? Am I right? I know I am because there’s a Contra Spread T Shirt and if there’s a shirt that means it was awesome.
Ah, remember the good old days. Let’s reminisce. There was the box of crayons. I had like the 8 or 16 pack and coveted that huge 64 crayon box that had a built in sharpener. Awesome. So many colors…so many options. But, alas, it was never to be. And, how about cutting out the paper men holding hands. Well, I never did that. I might have tried but that shit is hard, and you have to plan ahead because there’s a real trick to it. You have to fold the paper just right and cut in the perfect spots…too much rigamarole for me. I never played Nintendo so that controller means nothing to me. I did play analog tapes and made mixed tapes, so that speaks to me on a deep level. Everybody had some cookies at one point or other in their childhood, so that’s right on the money.
Hey you’re going to need more than 8-bit stomach lining when you eat at Carl’s Junior. Shit is bad. Real bad. It’s not food. It’s processed corporate lies in the shape of burger and fries. I don’t know what the 8 Bit means, must be sold in the U.K. Real cheap. That’s like the price of a meal back in the time Dickens was writing.
Aw, the good ol’ days when folk wisdom met with high tech equipment to create the ultimate tech support. Don’t have to call the 800 number. No hidden form and the website. Don’t need to ship the whole unit back. Just talk to your cousin in Atlanta, who learned about the cartridge blowing method in his math class.
If you have to ask you’ll never know. Wear this shirt and you’ll get the knowing nods, the smiles, the winks from your brethren and, of course, the ignorant will scratch their heads and may be slightly scared, because, well, your shirt says Most Deadly.
