Shop Review: Headline Shirts Shakes It Down in San Francisco

by on June 3, 2010

Headline Shirts is my favorite funny tshirt retailer currently pumping out the hilarity on cloth. I’m not just saying that because they sent that tall model with the pretty face all the way from their headquarters in San Francisco to my house for hourly massages to help loosen my mind, mood, and fingers so that I’ll type something nice about them.

Anyway, this is a totally objective look at the Headline Shirts operation, because I’ll tell you, it needs to be done. I mean, they’re blowing up. They have 2,114 likers on their official Facebook page.  They advertise everywhere. The New York Times. My aunt’s macrame blog. Daddy Roundtree’s Gut Busters jokes of the day ‘zine. Every…where.

I’ve spent some time in San Francisco and I can tell you that the inside joke shirts about the city, that never sleeps in motels when there’s a room at a bed and breakfast available, are spot on. Totally. Actually, I lived in San Bruno for three years as a kid and was scared of the city, so maybe I’m not the best person to judge that.

Here’s a little fun break from all of these words. Can you find the Headline Shirts headquarters in this video?

Me neither, but the breadth and depth of music accompaniment was remarkable wasn’t it. Crappy in EVERY genre.

OK, back to the review. You don’t have to be from San Francisco or even have an in depth working knowledge of the city to benefit from these terrific shirts. There are still humorous nuggets waiting for you, including Napoleon popping a wheelie, Darth Vader hitting a pinata, a pigeon star constellation, an astronaut happening upon a flamingo on the moon, King Tut wearing Kanye West sun glasses, baboon’s typing, Jesus, Kim Jong Il, Bingebot, and, of course, a series of shirts commemorating the movie Top Gun.

Don’t get me wrong, they have some lame designs. Ice Cube’s a “Pimp on a blimp” is weak. Actually, that’s the only one I don’t like, and that’s just because I’ve never listened to rap music. If you’re into Ice Cube and you listen to “Today Was a Good Day” then you’re probably gonna be all over that shirt, because YOU KNOW where it’s coming from. And, actually, I love some rap…Christian, of course.


Did I mention the the female models? Thumbs up, man. I guess one minor complaint is that new shirts usually only have male models for the first few weeks. Then they go ahead and shoot the girls. Basskwards. Fix that Headline Shirts.

If you were wondering what type of tshirts Headline Shirts specializes in, wonder no more. Here’s a quote lifted directly from their About Us page that sums it up better than I could ever dream to. Actually, I’m using this as filler so I can get closer to the 750 word mark, which is a totally random goal for this fine piece of writing/literature.

“…you may wonder what type of shirts we specialize in. The answer is, ‘Precisely.’ We make t-shirts that are funny, provocative, cool, hot, liberal, reactionary, libertarian, Whig party, rock ‘n roll, Muzaky, offensive, innocuous, tuxedo-related, vintage, 80s, 90s, and t-shirts that simply don’t make any damn sense.”

If that type of originality doesn’t sell the heck out of this fine tshirt vendor and their wares, I’m not sure what can.

OK, I know you’re pretty much sold on this company, but if you’re still reading, it means you haven’t quite committed to spending $20-$2000 on funny t-shirts today, so I’m going to push you over the edge. Naturally, being from the Bay Area, Headline Shirts tries to conduct business in as eco-friendly manner as possible. This is cool. They use American cotton, they don’t use sweatshop labor, and they use pigments and inks that are green. I mean they don’t pollute. Well, they may also use some green ink on the shirts, but it’s also green, tree hugger, eco-happy, stuff. Now, I can stop typing because I know that you have already clicked through to Headline Shirts.

Actually, one more thing before you go and shop your little liberal brains out. You need to have a good understanding of the American cotton industry’s history, which is why you should go ahead and visit the Audie Murphy American Cotton Museum in Greenville, TX. No, I’m not talking the museum website. I’m suggesting that you need to go visit the museum in the flesh before you ever buy another article of cotton clothing.

Or meet Headline Shirts model Keiko Alingas.

Or visit Headline Shirts right now.


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