Wait! There were Mexican Pirates in a LAKE between Texas and Mexico. What? Wait! There’s water land locked water between Texas and Mexico. What?

My condolescences to the Hartley family, especially wife, Tiffany Hartley, but that story sounds like something you’d see in a Tim Burton movie or something. Fantastical and horrible.

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Not sure if I can get behind this whole vulgarization of the classic Nutcracker Suite. One way you look at this Tshirt and you have this soldier bustin’ enemy nuts, or a guard bustin’ prisoners nuts, or law enforcement bustin’ criminals nuts. And, the other way you look at it, you have this stiff dude bustin’ a nut on dame (if you know what I mean).

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Pop A Smurf T Shirt

by on October 15, 2010

Wordplay alert. Of course, this is just gross. Yeah, we get it. Curmudgeonly people don’t like sickly sweet cartoon characters, so envisioning them blowing each others brains out brings a chuckle. Ha Ha.

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I’m pretty sure this shirt is referring to cunnilingus. Let me tell you why. You have to assume most of these offerings from T Shirt Hell are funny t shirts for men. Right? If you take that into consideration, you can put yourself into the shoes of a man that has made the poor decision to wear a terrible, offensive shirt from Tee Hell. In this case, that man is walking around with OK But Wash It First T Shirt prominently displayed on his chest. The girl that sees the shirt has to think that it means he’s preemptively answering the statement, I will only go to bed with you, if you go down on me. It’s the only way I get off. At which point the dude can just point at the shirt.

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This is an often overlooked truism. Actually, it’s sad really, how this information is buried in unread scientific and medical journals. This could really help a lot of young people, who are considering growing a mustache, or even those that are considering hanging out, befriending, dating, or even fornicating with those that have moustaches. They are not to be trifled with. That are indeed the most important bodily hair.

Read more on With Great Moustache Comes Great Responsibility T Shirt…


Hey all you Star Wars nerds out there. This one is for you. What Darth Vader learned early on was when one door closes another opens, and you have to keep your eyes open and be quick on your feet to find the new opportunity. This whole blown up Death Star deal is just a minor setback, but Luke, Hans, Leia, Chewy, R2D2, C3PO, and Billy Dee Williams need to realize is that even in destruction a spirit of community can germinate and grow.

Read more on Death Star Urban Regeneration Program T Shirt…


Yes on Prop 19 T Shirt

by on October 13, 2010

Gotta vote for the weed ya know. Legalize it. It’s so damn obvious I can’t even believe it’s been illegal for this long. Have we learned nothing from prohibition. The only reason Prop 19 has a chance is that California is desperate for revenue. Otherwise, it would be business as usual with the corrections industry alive and well. What happens when 42% of your criminals are no longer criminals. Gonna be some layoffs at the local prison (BTW: I made up that 42% number, but it is high…so to speak).

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The only redeeming factor in this truly horrible and offensive shirt is that the group it discriminates against doesn’t know that it is, because they can’t read it. Other than that, no qualities worthy of this Fuck the Color Blind T Shirt existing on this great green earth.

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Ever since that incident when I was 12 years old involving the tootsie roll, the hat of my pumpkin costume, and my sketchy neighbor, I’ve never been keen on dressing up for Halloween, but I just ran into a treasure trove of awesome costume ideas. Never thought about it before, but if you have a posse you’re planning on hanging out with on Halloween, you have to look into getting a funny group Halloween costume set.

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Legalize Reason T Shirt

by on October 12, 2010

Nobody is making any sense any more. Everybody has an agenda, and will work toward it no matter the consequences…first thing to go is reason, when the only truth is a rigid value system, or slavish devotion to special interests, and that, my friend, does not make a healthy political system. That is where we are right now, and if reason were legal more people might just express this opinion. But, since you get imprisoned in the public opinion prison if you speak anything remotely close to the truth, then the loudest voices out there are those of wingnuts (I.e. Glen Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Gael Garcia Bernal – just kidding, I don’t know one thing that Bernal thinks, just thought it would mix things up to get his name in there with the usual suspects…that’s reasonable. Right?)

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Winnie the Pooh is a pimp, his payment is honey. He speaks in ebonics. He wears pimp purple, and a big P for Pooh belt buckle. A couple of concerning things: One, Is that Tigger fur he’s wearing – did Winnie really fall of the deep end that far and kill his buddy just for style. Two, speaking to women like that is totally offensive. Owning them and using them to sell their bodies for a money is cool, but that language, come on Pimp Pooh.

Read more on Bitch Betta Have My Hunny T Shirt…


Can’t we all get along. Instead of the drivers going insane because the pedestrians are taking too long to cross the road, and the pedestrians hating the bicyclists, because they’re way faster and still not polluting, and the bicyclists wary of the Pachycephalosaurus, because they’re one scary ass dinosaur/shrubbery, and, of course, to complete the circle Pachycephalosarus hate cars, because they have very bad motion perception and can’t tell how fast they’re going, so they’re losing great numbers as road kill.

Read more on Car Pedestrian Bike Pachycephalosaurus Share the Road T Shirt…