Monkey Astronaut Cold War Vet T Shirt

by on February 4, 2010

Think about being a monkey shot up into space. Pretty fuckin’ crazy experience. You get pulled from your jungle lair, where you’re used to scratchin’ your ass, climbing trees, throwing mangoes at unsuspecting Pygmie tribes, picking fleas from your lovers hair coat, and swinging from branch to branch. No clothes. Free. Relaxed. Happy. Bam.

You’re thrown into a very uncomfortable cold-resistant, air-tight space suit, given a pack of Lucky Strike’s and some matches and strapped into a rocket. You have no idea what the hell is going on Gs pulling on your funny little face so all anyone can see through your plexiglas face mask is your crooked teeth. Bad deal.  And then after a while of space weirdness you splash into the ocean in your parachuting capsule.

The only bright side is that when you’re dropped off back in your old jungle stomping grounds, you become the badass, number one, alpha monkey. Not because you just circumnavigated Mars, but because by some crazy fluke, you figured out how to smoke…oh, and they let you keep the helmet, which is a highly coveted piece of gear in the monkey kingdom.

I haven’t even discussed the flat out funniness of this Cold War Vet Monkey Astronaut Shirt, but you really should get it. It stands alone as humorous even without the back story, so people just walkin’ and getting a quick glance will chuckle and know you are humorific.

Here’s a good article about animals in space from the NASA website.

Headline Shirts advocates monkeys in space, as long as they’re provided with unfiltered cigarettes.

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