January 2012

Have you ever seen the show Breaking Bad? Me neither, but apparently somebody has because there are about 46 trillion different Breaking Bad tee shirt designs floating around on this fine planet, including this Heisenbergs Mobile Cuisine T Shirt.

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This is a mashup. I used to play a lot of asteroids on my Atari 2600 as a kid. It was the best thing ever. Now, I show my little nephew — he’s only allowed in the basement with another adult, besides me — this tee and he’s just laughing at the graphics. I’m trying to explain how awesome it was to shoot the asteroids and break them up into littler asteroids and the sounds were ominous, and then it gets real hectic when the little space ship comes wheelin’ by shootin’ at you. Richard, the nephew, isn’t buying this shit at all, but he likes this Astaroids T Shirt because of the funny placement of the stick figure Star Wars ships.

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Nothing like a little freeze-squeezed orange juice in the morning. Especially, when you don’t have to worry about a juice machine or getting your hands all sticky with one of those hand juicers. If you can do it with the dark side powers…why not? Although, maybe Vader should bust out the light saber to cut the thing in half. I’m not liking the orange being squeezed so hard that the juice is flowing through the skin. That’s too much. Plus, I feel like you get a little too much of the bitterness from the skin. But, it’s probably good for you, which is probably a big reason why Darth had such powers.

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So, it all started with fire and the torch, then there was the candle, the gas lamp, electric light. Last year was compact fluorescent. And, this year we’re back at fire. I think what they’re saying here is that it’s all fallin’ apart. The grids gonna crack. The American dream is fading. Beeswax and paraffin are becoming scarce. And, we’re back to lighting shit with fire.

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French Bulldog T Shirt

by on January 26, 2012

Oui Oui. Beret. Scarf. Cigarette in a holder. Sweater. This is a sophisticated dog right here. I hate to even lump this fine creature with all the dogs in the world. Not in the same class…obviously. Perhaps you like the French Bulldog T Shirt. If so, then you probably need to get it from Headline Shirts before they sell the damn thing out and you have to wait an extended period for them to replenish their stock. You don’t need that hassle.

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Billy Madison was a bully in high school and he did some mean things, but he decided to make amendments by calling the people he hurt. One of those people was Danny McGrath. Billy calls up Danny and tells him he’s sorry and Danny accepts the apology. They hang up and Danny scratches Billy off his people to kill list, which is exactly like the list you see here on the People to Kill T Shirt.

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This tee represents an Arrested Development episode. There’s a dance for mothers and sons to promote bonding and they call in Motherboy, and the 30th annual dance is coming up, and, of course, they use the Roman numerals, XXX, to make it that much more icky. Anyways, the only reason I know this is because Wikipedia stopped blacking out — must have shoddy servers — and I was able to glean the information I needed.

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What you have here is a mashup with Moby Dick and Twitter’s fail whale that pops up whenever they’re over capacity. Pretty cool, except you may have to do some explaining when you wear the Moby Fail T Shirt. If anyone has done even a small amount of tweeting they’ve probably scene the whale being flown by birds, but it’s not immediate apparent that there’s a Herman Melville influence here.

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Of course, this Ray’s Occult Books T Shirt is in reference to Ghostbusters and Ray, is of course, Dr. Raymond Stantz, the character played by Dan Akroyd, who owns an occult book store. This movie hit in 1984 and it’s still huge. The kids love this stuff. It is a classic I have to say. The script is snappy, the music is peppy, the humor gets you, and, of course, there’s all of the unforgettable moments: Stay Puft Marshmallow, Who Ya Gonna Call, and, uh…some other awesome scenes.

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Available in Men's and Women's sizes.

So you have this video game Portal that I know less than nothing about. There’s a vortex of unknowledge in my brain about Portal. It seems to be popping up everywhere, yet I cannot get myself to figure out what it’s all about. Am I a bad person? Anyways…Think Different is the classic Apple slogan. If you never saw the commercial I’ve done you the huge favor of embedding it below.

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This Acoustic Keytar T Shirt is pretty damn wicked. I love the concept of this dude holding a miniature grand piano. And I love his vest, his hair, and his intensity. Moustache…check. Chest hair…check. Stylish footwear…check. This is a rocker extraordinaire, and he has chosen to play the most hardcore instrument on the planet. That thing has to way like 85 pounds. Think of the pressure on his back and neck, yet he is still rocking the house, and giving the people what they paid to see. A show. An event. The memory of a lifetime.

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This clown is really putting on the serious face to be taken seriously. You feel sorry for the poor, goofy bastard because…

One, he doesn’t have a penis.
Two, he has feeble looking limbs.
Three, he looks like he’s in desperate need of some craniosacral work.

Read more on Clown Does It Look Like I’m Kidding T Shirt from Snorg Tees…

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