July 2011

I cannot lie. Harry hangs on. I saw the movie and it was good, but as it ended and the epilogue rolled and Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny looked exactly the same, except they had middle-aged hair dos, I started to feel a deep sadness, like…it’s all over. No more books and no more movies to look forward to.

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I believe this 1 In the Caboose T Shirt refers to a sexual act in which a man puts his finger in the anus of a woman. I could be wrong. This could simply be a shirt about a fond memory of getting a chance to hang out with the caboose keeper on a cross country train excursion. Maybe it was one of those European backpacking vacations, and you got to hang out with the grizzled old dude, who told awesome stories, gave you fire whiskey to sip, and rolled you a cig.

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Another very delicate and romantic message tee from Deez Teez. If you want to make it a special evening, then you need to go ahead and wear this I Have a Huge Heart On For You T Shirt, because it’s straightforward and it’s wordplay, and you’re almost guaranteed to get some action…if you’re not picky.

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The kind of reminds me of the Marvin Gaye song Sexual Healing for some reason. I guess maybe it’s the same subject matter. Anyway, that’s one of them old school flip phones with an antenna. And the message on this Textual Seduction T Shirt is super classy: cum over.

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I’m not Jewish but after 14 seconds of Internet research I’ve come to appreciate the concept of Chai. No not the spicy Indian tea. I’m talking about the Hebrew word Chai that some say refers to the living God, or the Jewish focus on life, rather than not living in order to score a better afterlife like some other religions seem to espouse.

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Available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes.

If you’re going to last in this dog-eat-dog evolving world you have to hang with the times. If monkeys are skateboarding, you need to skateboard too, because you’re one step up the evolutionary ladder from them, and if they start to get ahead of you…that’s curtains. You can say goodbye to being the dominant species. Hell, you can say goodbye to being alive. You’re passe like the dodo bird.

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Available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes.

Mark Twain was an extremely quotable guy. Funny. Smart. He could really turn a phrase, which is why I hear a quote from him on like a daily basis. What’s strange is that one of his most popular quotes is not even attributed to him. Yes, I’m talking about this Mark Twain That’s What She Said T Shirt. That’s what he said back in the day, but The Office hijacked it and now everybody thinks Steve Carell made it up. On the contrary, it was Twain.

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I like the thought of a dream puffing out of a pipe. In fact, it’s a real cool concept. Then, you add all the little Mario Brothers characters and coins, and castles, and stuff, and you have a really cool shirt. If you’re a gamer. If you’re not a gamer nerd, then the Mario Brothers Pipe Dream T Shirt probably means absolutely nothing to you, but you know what…that’s cool. Go get your Michelob Light t-shirt and be done with it.

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So this here is a beautiful, actually gruesome, mashup of the movie Aliens with the bewitching children’s game Operation. Operation was that game where you used tweezers to try to pull body parts out of a dude’s random orifices, and there was a shocking buzzer if you touched the sides of the orifice. You had to make it a clean shot. What, how in the hell is that a kids game. It sounds horrible, but it was frickin’ fun.

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Word on the street says this Slice of Shell Pizza T Shirt is in reference to a video game, which you may have heard of…Super Mario Brothers. Is this true or did I get bad information? If I got bad information, I go back to the source and give him what’s for, and he doesn’t give bad information any more. In fact, he doesn’t give anybody any information any more.

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Available in Men's and Women's Sizes

The Penguin in the Batman series, Oswald Cobblepot is evil, so I can’t understand why you’d want to where this shirt. You don’t want evil to rule your city do you? Am I looking at this in the wrong light? Is this Oswald Cobblepot For Mayor T Shirt something that you would proudly wear because it has a much deeper and richer meeting, or maybe you’re of a rebellious temperment, and this quickly lets everybody know where you’re coming from.

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Available in men's and women's sizes.

Hey, for a planker any time spent not planking is very rare, which makes this If You Can Read This I’m Not Planking T Shirt pretty dang funny and important in the grand scheme of planking life. There are very stringent rules on what constitutes proper planking, and one of the main rules is you have to be stiff as a board on your stomach.

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