June 2011

Those creepy twins walking down the hall, guess it’s not their fault they were murdered and can’t seem to find their way to the light, so they hang in limbo and haunt the halls of the hotel. God axe murder is such a messy affair. If you’re a beer and horror fan, then you probably must own this Doppelganger Double Stout T Shirt, because it speaks deeply to you on so many levels and allows you to show others where you’re coming from. Who cares if you scare away 95% of the people you come into contact with. It’s that other 5% of deep bonding and friendship that makes wearing this tee totally worthwhile.

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It’s been a while since I’ve seen Stanley Kubrick’s  A Clockwork Orange. I remember being a bit disturbed the first time I saw it, but I wonder if I would have the same reaction now. Or maybe now that I’ve hit my 40s and have lived in my mother’s basement for over two decades, I have become more depraved, and the film will speak to me on a much deeper, pleasing level. Maybe I don’t want to know.

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Normally with these Delorean Dashboard T Shirts you get a special date that signifies something or spells boobies upside down, but here nothing is dawning on me. Does anyone know if the dates chosen here mean something. I’m sure they probably do and I’m being totally dense and that’s sad, and the only way to brighten up that rain cloud is to buy the shirt because you love that Back to the Future franchise.

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Hey, I’m from Milwaukee…this is like the essence of the city right here. You’ve seen the sausage races at Miller Park during Brewer’s games. One of those weenies is a bratwurst. And in this particular image on the First is the Wurst T Shirt, we have the brat winning as it should because it’s the best. Of course, I’m going to be exiled from the city for saying the following: I love Whole Foods turkey brats. They are good. No lie.

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If you, unlike me, don’t know anything about Mike Haggar you should probably go on over to the Street Fighter wiki page and get yourself some learning, so you can keep up with the important shit. Forget about the death of the United States Republic, and the crazy ass weather from global warming. Let’s get knowledgeable about Mike Haggar. In fact, let’s wear the Vote for Mike Haggar Metro City Mayor T Shirt and spread the love far and wide.

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Nice little wordplay switch up on the old ass commercial for those toaster waffles that, in retrospect, were probably nasty as all get out. Wait, they probably still sell those damn things on the strength of that tagline: leggo my eggo. By the way, who the hell tries to steal someone’s waffle in the morning. That ain’t cool.

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Love the image of the girl with the rocker hand gesture and a beer in the other hand. She’s not crabby, she’s rockin’ out on good vibes, great times, good food, and plentiful libations. Is there anything better than that. I didn’t think so. And, that is why you should make sure there’s always coolness in the room, and things don’t slip into silly bitterness, by wearing the Don’t Be Crabby T Shirt.

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Of course, this is in reference to Michael Scott’s last day in the office on the TV show The Office. Steve Carell basically was done carrying this sorry cast and wanted to free himself up to do more hilarious movies like Dinner for Schmucks. Just kidding The Office cast is great and Dinner for Schmucks sucks, but Scott’s departure is still true. That really happened on the show and that’s a big deal if you’re a big fan, so you should get the Goodbyes Stink T Shirt.

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This Opulence I Has It T Shirt is, of course, in reference to the crazy commercial featuring the rich Russian with leggy women draped all over him, eating gold-coated grapes, choosing gold busts of himself, and kissing a miniature giraffe, who says that even with all of this opulence he still likes a good deal, which is why he got the premium DirectTV package. Wait, is that the correct brand. Ha ha. I don’t even know, because the commercial is too entertaining, you get sucked into the storyline and the brand doesn’t matter at all.

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I find this shirt funny because of the gravity of the language and the devotion to the fallen hero who lead his Ohio State Buckeyes to great success on the grid iron, including a national championship in 2002, but he cheated while doing it. So, I know Donkey Tees is located in Ohio and has much respect for a man that coached OSU to a 106-22 record, but the school reputation has been sullied, so I have no sympathy.

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The monkey is the thing in The Hangover sequel. One can say he steals the show and them’s big words, because the show was packed with massive comedic performances. However, it’s probably advisable to own the Monkey Dealer T Shirt if you’re a fan of The Hangover 2, because it’s just a great picture of the monkey and it’s cool to have the word “dealer” above a monkey. Am I right?

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