June 2011

Man, Headline Shirts nailed the burnt out faux counter culture that oozes around the Haight-Ashbury scene. Nose ring, dreadlocks, and much retardation. Actually, I haven’t been to San Francisco for quite some time, so I have no idea if this The Haight t shirt is an accurate portrayal and would make the folks that really live in SF giggle.

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Zombie Hands T Shirt

by on June 23, 2011

This sort of looks like that Janet Jackson Rolling Stone magazine cover where the dude is cupping her breasts, except on this Zombie Hands T Shirt, you have nasty disembodied hands grabbing at the chest of the shirt wearer. Creepy. Weird. Icky. Actually, with a little more research this design by Tshirt Bordello is most likely depicting a zombie hand bra. And, that, my friends, is something you want to wear all over this great wide world of ours.

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Not sure where this started but it’s a bit of an Internet meme. Of course, on the surface it means keep the hand that you slap your hos with strong, so that they know who’s boss and who needs to get paid after every trick. You can’t ever get soft and let shit slide, because it just takes a little crack to blow the whole thing wide open.

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Sure enough you have a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea reference right here. If you’re a fan of Jules Verne and his classic novel then this Kraken Full Steam Pale Ale T Shirt is a no brainer. If you’re a steam punk you probably also want to own this tee because it speaks to the time that you harken to. If you’re a fan of Pale Ales this shirt is also for you. Now, is there anybody left in the world not covered by those three groups. Doubtful.

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This Star Wars and Dr. Who mashup is intriguing and probably appeals to muscle-bound jocks and girls that that wear pink scrunchies in their hair. Does this describe you? Then, you probably need to get the R2DWho Cye3rPO T Shirt right now, because it will make your life 21% and that’s pretty damn good for a tee, especially considering how great your life already is.

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Faux Bot T Shirt

by on June 22, 2011

This is a nice little bit of wordplay right here. See the real word for mechanical humanoids that can perform many human-like tasks is robot. Now, if you get someone dressed up as a robot with various cardboard boxes, duct work, wire hangers, and other random shit, then you have a faux bot. Especially when their Chuck Taylor’s are sticking out of the bottom. Sure sign you’re dealing with a fraud…a human in shoddy robot disguise.

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I’m a big fan of the word stoop and I like my share of animation, but I really have no idea what’s going on here because I’ve never seen the show, other than the clip embedded below, which seems to hash out the legend of the stoop kid. None of the other kids want to have anything to do with that guy. If you’re a fan of the show then you have to have the Stoop Kid Afraid to Leave Stoop T Shirt or you can’t call yourself a true fan.

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Sausage Fest T Shirt

by on June 21, 2011

I live in Milwaukee and I’m pretty sure there are about eight sausage fests a month, in the Spring and Summer, including an hour’s worth fireworks to celebrate the meat. Of course, this Sausage Fest T Shirt is in reference to any gathering where there is a lot more dudes than chicks. Get it. Dude’s have weiners, which can also be called Sausages even in mixed company.

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So HBO has this show called Game of Thrones and there’s lots of leather and swords and honorable decisions and horse riding. And, there are dogs they’re callin direwolves, which apparently are nice beasts, but for some reason they’re dying (I couldn’t really pick up that storyline with 12 seconds of Youtube clip viewing). So, this Save the Direwolves T Shirt is a shout of to the show and the fictional animal, and only know if it’s the right shirt for you.

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Planking is all the rage with the kids. You lie down face down and stiff…and you’re planking. Take a picture and load it to Facebook and now you’re just as cool as that teenager next door. Good job. Now, take it to the next level. Get the Planking It’s Extreme Laying Down T Shirt.

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Poor T Rex has those short ass arms that are pretty much totally worthless except for delicately bringing a soft fruit to his mouth. Even with the back scratcher he can’t reach his back. It’s just not a good angle. I don’t even think a long scratcher would help. It would have to be a custom job with a special angle, and back in those days manufacturing and mills were not like they are today. Some poor schlep would probably have to find a branch with a particular bent, and then whittle it smooth.

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Jason sure did “get down” on Friday, if you call mass murder and terrorization of the innocent “gettin’ down.” Of course, if you’re decent you’re disgusted by the whole horror movie thing and the adulation placed upon evil creatures like Jason and that spooky damn mask he wears. Of course, you probably like the Friday the 13th movie franchise and enjoy this Friday Friday Gettin’ Down on Friday T Shirt, and there’s nothing I can do about that but pray for you.

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