March 2011

Charlie Sheen got his name in the Guinness Book of World Records for a second time recently, when he started a Twitter account and got to 1 million followers in 25 hours and 17 minutes. This is the first entry in the GBOWR for this feat. Mr. Sheen is also in the Book for being the highest paid TV actor per episode of all time. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that the man is a winner!

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Hey that Lava Piranha Battle ain’t no joke, and sometimes you get burned for reals. Mario doesn’t look so good all mummified like this but things are looking up because he has his 1-Up drip feeder and his big ol’ mustache still makes it look like he’s jolly. I’m guessing he is, because Mario has an indomitable spirit, and zest for life. He’ll be back out there in no time.

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Lot’s of really nice, disgusting detail goin’ on with this Smurf Zombie Blue Horde T Shirt. I’ll break it down for you. First you have our protagonists back to back covering each other and armed to the teeth, but there opposition is formidable because there are still Smurf Zombies coming out of the Earth. Plus, they don’t quit. You have a few still coming at the cute little house, that has been retro-fitted into a bunker, despite being ripped apart at the torso, or losing a head. Lots of guts hanging out. Check out the poor dude puking just behind the house.

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Ah yes. Major League. I actually kind of liked that movie as stupid as it was, and, of course, the highlight of the thing was Charlie Sheen’s character Rick Vaughn, who was the closer that had a monstrously wild rocket arm, the horned-rim glasses, the wild hair cut, and, of course, Wild Thing entrance music. He ended up taming it enough to get some people out so the Indians could make a run to the World Series. Heart warming. Plus, the hot owner chick lost a piece of clothing from her life-sized cardboard cutout the closer they got to winning the pennant, which is also quite a warm and fuzzy storyline.

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Someone told me that they saw Charlie Sheen get up at like 5:30 AM and workout hard with a personal trainer. And, he has a 6-pack. WTF. Maybe he is the ultimate winner. Maybe he can party with the best of celebrities past. Maybe he can do the weekly coke binges and raucous threesomes forever.  Then, again, his face looks like misery wrapped in shit, so maybe the piper is coming to collect sooner than we think. And, oh, won’t we all feel so proud to  have egged him on and even celebrated him with stuff like this Team Sheen T Shirt.

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Apparently, good ol’ Charlie Sheen has gone off the deep end. Either that or he’s shed the ties that bind and is now letting his freak flag fly. Cocaine and hooker binges. Kind of trite, but I’m going to give him a pass. I really think this was just a ruse to get the hell out of his contract with that tepid TV show 2 And a Half Men. Who wants to be associated with that mediocre drivel. And, don’t tell me it’s the highest rated show in the history of the world. So what. Whoever said popular taste was worth a damn.

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This is very hilarious. You have the most feared creature that ever walked the planet, meeting up with its own kind, and they’re probably fighting over a gambling debt or a woman T Rex, so it’s intense, but when it’s time to get it on it gets kind of silly because their arms are super short. It’s like a hand scratch fight. Maybe it goes in rounds. First it’s the goofy hands fight, and there’s a judge just outside of the picture, who determines the dinosaur with the best form and most impactful slap-scratches. Then, they move on to the bite chunks out of each other’s heads. That round doesn’t necessarily need a judge, because basically the first one to get a good chunk of head wins.

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Another mashup shirt combining the visage of a Storm Trooper from Star Wars with the ubiquitous smiley with the hole shot in it’s head. Throw in a little Dr. Manhattan and Ozymandias from Watchmen and you have a spectacular amount of pop culture stuffed onto one tiny little t shirt.

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Nice wordplay, ‘cuz you know it’s supposed to be hopeless romantic, and instead those crazy Vintage Vantage folks dropped a Homeless Romantic T Shirt on all you unsuspecting fools. It’s great on a wordplay level.

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This is the shirt you choose to wear when you’re giving that stupid presentation. You have a button down on top of it, because you’re all professional and shit, and when you finish your speech or Powerpoint from the dais, you open up your button down and reveal this Can I Get a Fuck Yeah T Shirt. All of a sudden people who were sleeping when you were offering them your finest graphs and correlations and projections, see this burst of pizzazz and they’re standing up and pumping their fists. Fuck Yeah!

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I like this shirt. If you really dig biking, then you can understand wanting to go at it long and hard. In fact, you may pump up that hill so fast that when you’re at the top you blow banana chunks off the mountain side. AWESOME! If you’re a hard core bicyclist, then Bike ‘Til You Barf T Shirt is probably something that you must have designed by Vintage Vantage and sold by Busted Tees right now.

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Love the eye patch on Waldorf, representing Colonel Saul Tigh from Battlestar Galactica, and Statler sitting in as Bill Adama. Quite a good duo and both having a little bit of attitude. Nice correlation between two quite different TV shows.

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