February 2011

Pretty funny song in the movie Eurotrip by the fictional band Lustra headed by lead singer, Matt Damon! Does it get any better than that? In the following clip Damon brings up Fiona and basically dry humps her as he sings about how her boyfriend doesn’t know that they’re sex buddies. Guess what Scotty is in the front row listening to the song, and he’s a little bit crushed by the news.

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I think, unfortunately, that this shirt is probably true. People really do have trouble with fractions and math in general. After all, why would they think that Bernanke was doing the right thing by printing more and more money to get the US out of this economic hole. And, the thought that housing prices could go up for eternity. And, doing the personal finances math and thinking that you can afford a home with a monthly mortgage that is 110% of your monthly income.

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Look at the cute vampires stealing blood from a blood drive that was organized to collect blood to save people’s lives who have lost too much of the precious life-giving stuff. How so very adorable. Then, those little vampires will grow up to be big vampires that pray on innocent people and suck their blood and force them into the miserable life of the undead.

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U.S History Cheat T Shirt

by on February 10, 2011

This is funny. I like the fact that the font is so small and upside down. This is for your eyes only. The teacher may not even notice that it has the answers to the test. He’ll just wonder why you keep trying to stretch you neck out or smell your collar. I’m not even sure what the U.S. History Cheat T Shirt says exactly, but you can be sure that Snorg Tees distilled all of the most important bits to give you a thorough briefing. Like the Cliff Notes of U.S. History. There is also an upside-down map of the United States, which is also a very helpful resource.

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This is the kind of statistic that launches local news reports, and that is exactly why the printed news industry is going into the toilet. No one cares and no one trusts the methodology. I mean this particular report probably isn’t even legit. What’s the sample size that they used to get these numbers? Probably went to the first seven dwarfs they found. Hell, they probably just called up Snow White and asked her experience. Then, wrote the report then used it as an infographic on page one, or as a teaser as they went to commercial break on the local news. Cheap tricks.

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If you have the skills let them know. If you have done the work, and put in the reps, and reached your goals, and surpassed your potential as a heavy duty, serious-ass drinker, then you need to let everyone know, as you’re walking into the party or the bar, what they are dealing with. It’s like a pro basketball player walking onto a playground to for some pick up. He has to let people know he plays for the Twolves. You know what I mean. Millicic can’t just jump on the court and destroy everybody and not tell ’em what’s up. Same thing with top notch drinkers.

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Get it? If you can read you are congratulated with the message on this shirt. Not sure Snorg Tees should have used the double negative not illiterate approach here, perhaps a nice congratulations you are literate would have been a more positive message that would have brightened even more days. But, that’s neither here nor there. The Congratulations You’re Not Illiterate T Shirt is what it is, so let’s work with what we have. It’s still going to bring some pride and laughter to the surface for the many people you come into contact on a daily basis.

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Here we have a little wordplay involving a duck, which is always the best wordplay. Combine the word fantastic with the noise a duck makes and then drop a little lo fi picture of a cute little blue duck and all of a sudden you have the That’s Quacktastic T Shirt and it truly is marvelous.

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Fuck Text Swype T Shirt

by on February 8, 2011

Why does Busted Tees call this the text swype t shirt, when in reality it is the map out typing the word fuck t shirt. Busted Tees may pride themselves on being a somewhat family friendly online retailer, so that’s maybe why they don’t call this shirt by its true name. Of course, I have also seen fuck on other shirts and it wasn’t cleverly disguised, so I guess I’m sort of confused. Or maybe Text Swype means something and I should Google it to make sure I’m not being totally pop culturally dense. Well, everybody already knows I don’t know anything about any of these t shirts that I have made my life for every waking hour, but, still, I’m going to put in 13 seconds of research. Sit tight.

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Hey now, this isn’t true, but the shirt is funny. There are always those platitudes and plentitudes about being a good sport. And, it’s funny how a lot of the fringe sports pride themselves on policing their own game. Calling their own infractions. Not needing a referee to keep people honest. And, it’s fun to knock blowhards down a peg or two, so that’s why you wear this shirt. Maybe you’re on the taxi squad of the JV badminton team. You probably just need to move with your life. What better way to go out than wear this Sportsmanship is For Losers T Shirt, loud and proud. Calling everything your opponent hits out. Smacking the shuttlecock way wide every time it’s their turn to serve. Smashing your racket in front of your coach. And tearing of your sweat pants to reveal a pink Speedo. Oh wait, that was a different day dream.

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Everybody under six figures is going…yup, ‘cuz that’s how people that make less than $100,000 talk. And, everybody over six figures is going…well those things were a nice boost, but I made my own luck and I busted my ass, and I had a plan, and I executed that plan. So, this Knowledge It’s Almost As Important As Money, Luck and Family Connections T Shirt could be the most polarizing debate since that Health Care thing last year and this year, and every year until we get single payer and public option.

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This shirt is goofy and broad humor and has enough weirdness to qualify as not bad to almost pretty good. First of all, it ain’t skinny dipping if you have a shirt on, so I’m going to give it points for that. Also, if you are completely naked except for the shirt, then your ass is showing, which is either funny, gross, or awesome, so I’m going to give points for that as well. Third, I like the letters filling up with swamp water green. Makes you think even more of creepy crawly things sneaking up orifices as you have freed yourself of your clothes shackles and alighted on the body of water as nude as the day you were born (except for the shirt). That is another point. That’s three points. I know I started out kind of luke warm on the This is My Skinny Dipping Shirt, but after further analysis I have to give it three thumbs up.

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