January 2011

I feel like geeks don’t wear the thick framed glasses, unless they’re being ironic, then I don’t think they can be considered geeks, so there’s a fundamental flaw with this shirt. However, I still think thee message is positive, which I’m all for, and I think other than the image, that it is accurate. Geeks are the new sexy. Zuckerberg is getting so much varied tail you can’t even fathom it. Sergey and Larry…forget about it. There’s a reason they were demanding king size beds in there private jets, and it ain’t because they were taking BIG naps. Those are little, geeky dudes.

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Nice bit of wordplay here. You have misery loves company so everybody can feel connected in their lame ass, whoa is me condition. Well, same goes for states of the union. They like to be next to each other and working with each other at the borders. There’s extradition, and, of course, let’s not forget the four corners were Colorado, New Mexico, Utah, and Arizona share a common tourist attraction.

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Cougar Hunter T Shirt

by on January 17, 2011

What’s the age you have to be to qualify as a cougar? I’m pretty sure the targeted boys that they look for are 25 or under. But, I’m not sure on the official cougar. 40+? I like that this shirt flips it around and the young guys are seeking out the horny housewives. I also like that that cute 20-something girl model in the image is wearing the Cougar Hunter T Shirt, like she’s looking for a May-December lesbian fling.

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Reason number 974 that I love the Internet. The amazingly random pop culture personalities that get picked up and turned into cultural icons and Internet memes. Chuck Norris is in the pantheon. The name Chuck Norris conjures an indestructible, undefeatable, super man. But, he’s not a super hero, because that’s cheap. He is a man with incredible will, strength, stamina, intellect, and raw gravitas, rolled up into a hairy red-headed hero package.

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This is cute with a touch of slutty. Actually, that’s too strong, maybe it is just innuendo. Cute with a chance of innuendo. I mean this Take me to Bed or Lose Me Forever T Shirt does has a teddy bear on it, which makes it pretty innocent, because that’s what you do. Take the teddy bear to bed or else the dog “retrieves” it, slobbers all over it, rips it, and buries it behind the oleanders in the back yard at which point you have pretty much lost poor teddy forever.

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Little math wordplay sort of deal going on here. You, being a math wiz, no exactly what a tan line is. I, having dropped out of school in third grade am limited to double digit addition and single digit subtraction as the extent of my math knowledge. Thus, I’m going to do some Google searching to bring you the answer to the question that is on all the minds of the arithmetically challenged: what  the hell is a tan line?

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Busted Tees $10 Clearance

by on January 15, 2011

Hey, get over to Busted Tees and grab a couple, few, dozen of their clearance shirts at the spectacular price of $10 per tee. It’s a great deal and they’re not reprinting any of these, so if you’ve been holding off on a certain design. Now is the time. Do it. Do not delay or you will be left crying in the gutter, homeless, destitute, and doing terrible things for change.

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Velociholmes T Shirt

by on January 15, 2011

Everybody thinks that back in the days of the dinosaurs everything was super primitive. No clothing. No humans (well, the Christians are starting to think dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth together, but I’m talking about thinking individuals). No vehicles. No condos. But, that’s wrong. Just like Atlantis was super advanced, dinosaurs like the one in this Velociholmes T Shirt were so sophisticated they figured out how to put on fashionable tweeds, harvest tobacco and smoke it in pipes, and solve crimes around the raptor community.

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First off it is always best to get really real with yourself and come to grips with what really drives you. What are the real fears, the real dreams, the real cause for you to take shelter in the arms of heroin and whiskey every evening just to get through the night. The first thing, as all 12-steppers know is to acknowledge or admit that you have a problem. If the issue is about the dark, then the first step is purchasing and wearing the I’m Not Afraid of the Dark, I’m Afraid of Ninjas that Hide in the Dark T Shirt.

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This is like when you are going around the room telling people a little bit about yourself before you go through a group discussion on the nuances of workplace safety. You have the special OSHA representative, who can do this presentation in her sleep, but still is able to realize it is new for everyone in the room.

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You know you’re an impressive specimen with impressive skills, so everywhere you go people are naturally impressed. However, sometimes, there are insecure people that play it off like they’re super awesome that think the best way to approach your awesomeness is to act like it’s not there. Like ignoring the six foot purple onion ring in the middle of the room. It’s impossible to pull it off like they really are not impressed, because they can’t help being so.

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Well, I can only speak for myself on this, and, yes, it’s true, I never use cursive. Ever. Hell, I barely write at all and can tell when I do, because it looks and feels like I’m a palsied Rhesus monkey trying to write a phone message down for a co-worker or what not. Maybe I should have stuck with the cursive rather than print. Maybe my writing wouldn’t be worse than a physician’s on a prescription.

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