October 2010

Tim Lincecum versus Cliff Lee. Game One. World Series. AT&T Park. This is great. Basically, it’s proving I’m a fair weather fan. Not since I lived in the Bay Area and went to a lot of games with my Dad, who got into Candlestick Park free with a clergy pass, have I really given a damn about San Francisco Giants baseball. Actually, I gave them some passing interest when they were having success in the late 80s, and gave them a glance when Bonds will carrying them on his broad shoulders and fat head.

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Will Ferrell needs big balls to make The Fucking Catalina Winer Mixer go off. And, you know what he does it so he’s got ’em but we knew that already. You can’t wear a permanent (Perm) hair style for most of your adult life without the big brass cajones.

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Dude. I thought that this was a Saturday Night Live skit or something. But, it is for real, and it is awesome. This Vietnam Vet Jimmy McMillan is running for the office of New York governor affiliated with the “The Rent is Too Damn High” party. That’s pure gold, especially since he looks like the black Colonel Sanders.

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I’m of the opinion that what they don’t know can’t hurt them. Meaning, don’t tell people right off that this shirt may not be a one-of-a-kind. That it may come from a very popular online t shirt retailer (Busted Tees) and that thousands of other people may have the very same shirt with the very same design. Hell, they may be wearing it at the very same time, but that would be a pretty extraordinary coincidence, but possible.

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Shake Weight Revolution

by on October 26, 2010

“Wphew…that’s it!” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s going to kick your butt.

You’ve seen this commercial. Right? Like a pud pulling session except adding weights to make it an orgasmic workout. With nearly 1.5 million views, I’m guessing I’m a little late to this party, but damn I could watch this commercial all day. You just keep waiting for the monster car rally announcer to provide a disclaimer…sure it looks like you’re having an intense lovemaking session with yourself, but really you’re getting ripped. For only $29.95…

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This, of course, is a shout out to the movie Big Daddy where Adam Sandler’s character Sonny Koufax tries to teach the kid and the delivery guy, played by Rob Schneider, how to read. Schneider gets the word Hippopotamus on the card, but he has trouble eventually saying: “Hip Hop Anonymous.” Then, he complains bitterly that Sandler is giving the kid all of the easy ones.

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Isn’t this so true. Cyndi Lauper, Kansas, and Bruce Springsteen…oh, and LCD Soundsystem. I just keep rediscovering their music and they continue to knock Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Eminem and Linkin Park out of the rotation. The other meaning to this shirt is that all those old ass bands are now back together and touring again. Sex Pistols. Reverend Horton Heat…actually, I don’t count them because they’ve been doing it continuously. They count as still relevant because they never quit then got back in to it. REO Speedwagon.

Read more on My New Favorite Bands are Pretty Much My Old Favorite Bands T Shirt…

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Very solid night at the bar shirt. Good bit o’ humor, plus a shout out to the base reason you’re there. To drink. Well, and get sex, but first things first. You do the humor and the drinking and almost inevitably were talking about sexy time with the 7…8…or…9 of your choice. For a 10 you’re going to have to flash  a little cash, so I can’t guarantee you’re going to land one of those with just this shirt and a quick shower.

Read more on Maybe It’s the Booze Talking But I Want You to Know I Love Booze T Shirt…

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Thunderkittens T Shirt

by on October 25, 2010

If you were whack enough to watch this shit in the 80s, then the names Lion-o, Snarf, Cheetara, Mumm-Ra, Panthro, Tygra and the planet Thudera. That’s right, I’m talking about Thundercats.

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Meal time is meat time according to this shirt. That’s a crazy cuckoo clock with a pig replacing the bird, fork and knife replacing the hands on the clock, chicken leg swinging like a pendulum, bacon as the shingles on the house, and, of course, a ham as the house itself, or maybe that’s a gelatinous heaping helping of SPAM the delicious canned meat.

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Dyslexic or Hugh Hefner. Ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Get it? Am I right? Anyways, this, of course, is a little wordplay to brighten your day. Do you dig? You see the saying is really if life gives you “lemons” make lemonade, but is you’re dyslexic you mix up letters, so what we have is life giving you “melons” and that’s your crazy synapses firing a little randomly, switching the “l” and the “m” so now we’re talking about large sweet fruits rather than small sour fruits. Amazing difference switching a couple letters make, eh.

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You need to be sure of your shit if you’re going to take a condescending tone, especially as a stickler for grammar. This juxtaposition of disappointment in someone’s bad grammar while using bad grammar is a classic. And, isn’t it the case that the most fascist grammarians are also the worst offenders?

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