July 2010

Stop the fuckin’ presses. Megan Fox goes outside without makeup. Holy bejeezus can the Transformers geeks even handle it. She sort of doesn’t even look totally plastic. In fact, she looks pretty great, except for those rainbow, plucked to within a whisker of their death eyebrows. Dude, she also just has her hair down without any fancy shit and she has a scrape on her right elbow.

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Actually, I love it when senior citizens bust out of their comfort zone and try something new. Ivy Bean, 104, was Tweeting like nobody’s business and had 56,300 followers, until she passed away in her sleep last night. RIP Ivy Bean. Damn that’s a cool name. Not quite as amusing as Navy Bean would have been, and I’m sure her parents thought about that in 1905, but they went without the snarky humor.

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I really like that bomb graphic on the tshirt. Apparently, it’s the icon of the fictional band Sex Bob-omb from a graphic novel series. I never got into the graphic novels, but if you’re into thisstuff, you’ll probably glean some sweet nuggets of info from the Bryan Lee O’Malley, the author of the graphic novel series Scott Pilgrim, which is where this Sex Bob-omb T-shirt comes from.

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Hey, from the get I’m going to tell the kids out there that suicide is bad for your health, so think long and hard before you do it, and get some advice from an adult that you trust, like that dude that posts on the Legend of Zelda message board all day. He’s wise. You’ll be in good hands in terms of making the right decision.

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Hey, who let the cat out of the bag. I’ve been basically printing money with this “business” for years. All it involves is a decent point and shoot camera, a 19-year old buxom blonde with a slight lisp, and any number of horny middle aged men driving sporty red vehicles.

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In case you’ve been living in a government issued canvas tent warding off mosquitoes and bears for the last few months, then you probably know the Double Rainbow meme. If not, here’s the synopsis. This wild hippie dude is hiking and comes upon a vista that features a double rainbow. While filming, he just flips out with overwhelm, exclaiming what does it mean about 20 times. Could be peyote, pot, or simply the nature buzz every good hippie can cop, especially coming upon a beautiful natural phenomenon.

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Finally, you too can have the breakthrough you’ve  been waiting your entire miserable life for. Incredible white teeth, just like Tony Robbins’s piano key chompers, are within your grasp. He’s doling out the secrets on a new TV show. Glory be and hallelujah. Early reviews, say, the plaque, cigar stains, and beef jerky build up are just falling away within just a few short days.

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There’s not even anything funny to say here. This is too obvious, like a knock knock joke your 4-year-old nephew told you at the Fourth of July family gathering. T.O. belongs in Cincinnati because that team is a frickin’ collection of criminals, crazies, and crustaceans (I couldn’t think of another “cr” to complete the triplet). Ocho Cinco welcomes him with open arms and crazy eyes.

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Apple ingeniously starts to talk about voided warranties after Congress’ Copyright Office deemed jailbreaking of electronical gizmos is coolio. I love this. Fuck Apple and all their proprietary products, where customers are beholden to whatever Apple says is appropriate to drop on their little iPhone, iPod and iPads.

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No one cares. No one will read the shit. Obama and his generals have no reason to worry. They’ll get their $60 billion in war funding. These leaks could have satellite imagery of civilian gramma sodomy by US Generals with full, unapologetic confessions and nothing would change. War Pigs have their way since the beginning of time. Oops. Did I just get political and sort of spill the beans on my beliefs about the War in Afghanistan.

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Well well isn’t this a little macabre. Apparently, we’ve got this program on Showtime that features a serial killer, who is meticulous in his murders of other murderers. Is he a hero or a psychopath. Do the police even want to stop this guy. I mean, he’s making their jobs a lot easier.

Read more on Dexter Slice of Life No Dumping Tshirt…

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The whole premise of this tshirt is completely and absolutely wrong. Why, you must be asking yourself with great concern. Because those that really know, will tell you that this freak of nature coupling of the squirrel and the pigeon came from an organic copulation session. There was no science involved whatsoever. No test tubes, no needles, no lab coats, or hot Swedish chicks with cleavage. Just good ol’ interspecies bump bump.

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