June 2010

George Costanza tells the unemployment office that he’s applied to be a latex salesman at Vandelay Industries Importing/Exporting Fine Latex Goods. He gives them Seinfeld’s number. Now, Seinfeld has to answer his phone Vandelay Industries and play along with the hijinx, so Costanza can keep his unemployment checks rollin’ in.

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In Sonic the Hedgehog you gotta run…a lot. Thus, it’s only natural to start up a track team. Get some real good training so you can get through that first level: Emerald Hill Zone.

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The punk sixth grader from South Park tooling around on his dirt bike and terrorizing the younger elementary kids, and wearing a shirt with his own devilish face on it. He might as well take advantage of running the school, because next year when he goes to middle school, he’s back on the bottom of the totem pole.

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It’s a new meme. A new meme. Get some shitty malt liquor like Smirnoff Ice and force your buddies to drink it by presenting bottles to them at the craziest times and wildest places.

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The evolution of humankind, from simpleton monkey with basic needs to upright pain in the ass with an attitude was surely amazing. It was in the later stages of the pliocene era when the language became sophisticated enough to bitch and moan, and we haven’t looked back since.

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Ron Artest was interviewed after the Lakers clinched the NBA Championship over the Celtics last night. He gave a shout out to some peeps, pimped his new single, and gave profuse thanks to his psychiatrist, which is frickin’ hilarious…’cuz he crazy. Got to give him his props though. He carried LA in the final game, as Kobe dropped a turd on the Laker logo at center court.

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Fans are blaming Sara Carbonero, a sideline reporter at the World Cup in South Africa, for distracting her boyfriend, Spain’s goalie, Iker Casillas, as she offered sideline commentary during the game. Spain was shocked by Switzerland. After the match, she asked him how he mucked it up:

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Internet Kill Switch

by on June 19, 2010

Apparently, Biden is spending way too much time on his fantasy baseball team and his Calla Lily fetish (don’t ask!), so Obama is considering developing an Internet Kill Switch, which will enable him to pull the plug on Joe’s activities as well as strategic swaths of online connectivity across the country. Apparently, it has something to do with National Security.

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Now, I don’t mean to be a ninny or nitpick or get all picayune up in here, but shouldn’t this shirt read Party Like It’s 2011? ‘Cuz 2012 is when the shit goes down according to the Mayans, this movie, and your mama.

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I’ve spent some time in Phoenix, AZ and, honestly, I cannot fathom how anyone would be hooked on the place. It’s like LA only 30 degrees hotter and no ocean. It does have the massive traffic problems, the pollution, the pending lack of clean water, the gangs, the crime, the overpriced housing. Wait, typing this all out, I’m changing my mind. I love the place. Actually, the desert is a special place. Saguaro cacti, sunsets, red hills. That’s all good stuff, but it’s pretty much been destroyed by the Los Angeles second string.

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Einstein Kiss Tshirt

by on June 16, 2010

I have no doubt Einstein would have been a big fan of the theatrical rock and roll of KISS. He may have been jealous of the size of Gene Simmons’ tongue, but, otherwise, certainly, the genius would have recognized the musical genius.

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Get This Shirt From Busted Tees

This is quite an ingenuous concept. It takes the much revered Tuxedo Tshirt to an entirely new level. It’s like you’ve been formal, but now the event is over and you want to relax. Loosen the tie. Get to know that lovely bridesmaid just a little bit better. Oh, why does everything have to be sexual. Maybe you just want to watch the latest episode of Weeds after you slip of your patent leather shoes.

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