May 2008

Home School Valedictorian TshirtSuch an honor. You’re in rarified air. Nobody else could’ve done it. How proud the family must be. And just think of the finest moment: the grandiose graduation speech. Thanking those present (in the living room), and offering bold claims for future potential. Throw your mortar board high in the air Homeschool Valedictorian and walk over and have some cake in the dining room with your gramma.

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Amish: Don\'t Drink or Drive TshirtThis one went over my head for a second, bounced around the room and hit me with potent hilarity. At first glance you’re thinking it’s a PSA. Then you think it’s one of those tired “I drive better when I drink” messages. But, if you stick with it, boom, the Amish don’t drink or drive. Beautiful. I’m diggin’ that beard. In fact, any tshirt that features a beard immediately gets special consideration.

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American Apparel t shirts get lots of love in the clothing world. In fact, they’re the largest clothing manufacturer in the US. Why?

Well, first of all, they’re very high quality shirts that fit very well and are made right here in the USA– Los Angeles to be exact. No sweatshop labor used to produce these threads, which is a big deal. Look at some of the places your clothes are made these days: China, Bangladesh, Vietnam, Thailand, Malaysia. Hard to say under what kind of working conditions these clothes were produced. Unfortunately, there’s a pretty good possibility in the global shirt business that worker conditions are bad.

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My Butt Hurts, What? Tee shirtPoor, poor chocolate bunnies. In their temporary reprieve from getting unceremoniously devoured on Easter morning, these little delectable creatures commiserate on their state. Except the horrors of holiday festivity have broken down their lines of communication. Talk about tragedy, if this doesn’t add up in Aristotle’s Poetic Tragedy equation, then nothing does. And my only outlet for dealing with this chocolate mess is to laugh. Sometimes, it’s the only thing you can do.

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Uniqlo tshirts

by on May 17, 2008

Uniqlo is the leading Japanese clothing brand, becoming very popular with a very distinctive styles, including mesmerizing, psychedelic and artistic designs (they carry Keith Haring tshirt prints). Their stuff is difficult to get in the US, because they only have retail outlets in SoHo and Manhatten, and it’s difficult to buy stuff from their websites, unless you’re fluent in Japanese, can pay in Yen and don’t mind having it shipped to your alternate overseas address.

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Busted Tees

[Editor’s Note: There’s an updated list of the Top 32 Busted Tees that you might want to check out.]

Right now, Busted Tees is my favorite online tshirt retailer. I completely dig their humor. Lots and lots of very funny shirts. All of these shirts are original designs by this group or their partner brands and most of their stuff is printed on American Apparel tshirts, which are sweatshop-free and Made in the USA.

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Last Supper Sausage Fest tshirtWarning: Really irreligious shirt. Perhaps even blasphemous. Certainly distasteful to those that believe.

You know, maybe things would have turned out better had they allowed some women up in there. Balance things out. A little different perspective. Savvier negotiations with the Romans. Less betrayal. Different sorts of kisses. Something. Of course, it ain’t the Last Supper if it ain’t the last supper.

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Wonder Bread TshirtI always loved the Wonder Bread logo. Even as a kid that knew it was complete crap food, but I still appreciated the primary color joy that exudes from the Wonder. I think Google scraped some of the bliss from white bread to build its logo mojo. Spread peanut butter. Spread jelly. Spread joy.

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new-mexico-cleanerThis is the kind of marketing slogan individual states pay powerhouse Madison Avenue advertising juggernauts to craft. These things bring the visitors and the re-locators in droves to New Mexico, ‘cuz why? It’s cleaner than regular Mexico. I really love that it says regular Mexico, rather than old Mexico. Gives it an asymmetry and out-of-balance that takes it to the top of Laugh Plateau.

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Fantasy Football TshirtThis is such a Heisman moment. This wizard obviously has serious football skills and his uni tops the charts of absurdly funny. I wouldn’t even need the words for this to make me laugh every time I see it. But, the folks at Busted Tees didn’t stop there. No. They took the inspired art work and coupled it with words that really capture the remarkable explosion of a pretty dorky (when you get right down to it) sports phenomenon: fantasy football.

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cracka, please tshirtYou need to pay attention, pirate. Your parrot is asking for a pleasingly crunchy treat, or completely disgusted with your perceived bullshittery. All depends on the inflection…the paraverbals. Either way you need to act. Get the bird a cracker or get your game together. Cracka, please.

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Rock, paper, metal teeshirtThis shirt comes out of nowhere. At first you are saying, “yeah, yeah, yeah, Rochambeau, that’s cute,” but then all of a sudden hand three busts out the satan sign and completely out of left field you’re laughing. Quality shirt right here. If you dig a setup and serious delivery in your comedy, you should probably snatch up this Rock, Paper, Metal shirt immediately.

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